"Mom, Mom, tell me, do you help me?" How many times have we repeated this scene … Little, we have no trouble asking for help, however, often, as we grow up, things change …
If it's not you yourself, you know someone who prefers to use a thousand and one resources to solve a problem on their own by asking for help and settling it faster, or someone who prefers to give up or run for help. failure rather than letting another person lend a hand.
Let's go back to this other scene of childhood. "Mom, Mom, I did it alone!" Or "Leave me, I can do it all alone." "All right, you managed to do it alone!" This return of encouragement, which promotes autonomy most of the time, also marks the beginning of a long, not so positive, habit.
Why is it so difficult to ask for help?
The factors that give rise to this behavior are numerous, as are the benefits we lose by not soliciting the help of others.
1 – The first factor is probably pride. We want us to get all the credit for solving a problem and we are not ready to share it with anyone else.
2 – The second factor that can prevent us from asking for help can be the refusal to accept that there is any problem. One can imagine for example a person with gambling debts, or an addiction to alcohol. Neither of these two problems are easy to accept and share.
3 – The third factor, one of the most common, is shame. We do not want anyone else to see us doing this or that action.
4 – Some people think that asking for help is being weak.
5 – The fourth factor, it is the possibility that the people from whom we are asking for help refuse to help us. Behind this fear is the fear of rejection, the feeling of not being good enough for others to dedicate a little of their time.
Finally, behind all these factors, we find something more transcendental: the fear of being judged by others. No one likes others to pay attention to a moment of weakness on their part.
Therefore, to ask for help, you need some prior confidence. Indeed, we would not seek help from anyone, nor for the same things, depending on how much we trust these people and their own abilities.
Asking for help is therefore often not a search for comfort, but rather an act of courage.
What do we lose by not asking for help?
Above all, not asking for help puts us in a situation where we spend a lot of resources for a specific result that may not be achieved, and this generates frustration.
On the other hand, we lose the opportunity to realize the generosity of others and to improve our vision of the world, in other words we lose a possible strong interpersonal contact that could enrich us.
According to social psychology, it is also shown that when we ask someone for help, we improve their perception of us.
We must not forget that we are social animals and that refusing all help in times of need is an unnatural attitude.
When we ask for help, we receive a lot of attention, and not doing so prevents us from developing a sense of trust and security towards others.
Helping is wonderful, but letting others help us, too. So why not try ?
Photo Credits: marinadelcastell