Why does receiving compliments make us feel uncomfortable?

Why does receiving compliments make us feel uncomfortable?

We all like to receive compliments. But is this the case at any time and under any circumstances? Sometimes we feel embarrassed when we receive a compliment. It is a much more common experience than we could imagine.

But, let's start from the beginning: What is the definition of a compliment? To be precise, a compliment is a specific verbal conduct that emphasizes the positive characteristics of a person. The compliment works as a social reinforcement and helps to make social interactions between individuals more enjoyable.

In other words, a compliment is like a flattery. When we receive a compliment, the person who issues it wants to highlight one of our positive characteristics. Thus, there is at first no reason to feel uncomfortable when someone covers us with compliments. However, the reality is quite different. Often, these flatteries make us uncomfortable or very uncomfortable. But why ?

Entertaining our hearing

As we explained, a compliment is in principle something pleasant and positive. To compliment is to say something positive to another person. Concretely, it is about evoking / pointing out one of its physical characteristics or behavior that we like and that we want to highlight.

We all like to hear nice things about ourselves, it makes us feel good. However, in our society the exchange of positive words is infrequent. We have little use of positive reinforcement and the punishment remains more usual.

The "good" and the "positive", that "we like to recognize" is considered "what we should be" so why let him know? This is the reason why we hear or very rarely give compliments.

We can feel marginal, silly, silly, ridiculous, etc.. Nevertheless, if we believe that strengthening is better than punishment, we will be motivated to change and become more rewarding and positive people. On the other hand, when someone gives us a compliment, we can sometimes feel surprised, astonished and even able to laugh at the person who complimented us. For itit is important to know how to receive compliments and not just to do them.

What are the advantages when we know how to receive compliments?

Receiving compliments is easy, but for many of us it is quite difficult. In fact, the benefits of knowing how to receive compliments are numerous. This:

  • Lets know what the other person likes about us
  • Help to build friendship
  • Decrease the tension that can be generated if we remain without words by shame or anguish or if we react in an offensive way
  • Make you feel good: we all like to know that some recognize our qualities, our merits and our abilities
  • Indicates that we heard what we were told
  • Reinforce the interlocutor who has complimented us and increases the probability of receiving another compliment from this person in the future

As we see, there are many benefits to knowing how to receive compliments. There are more, but these are enough to allow you to be aware of the importance of compliments.

Negative thoughts that prevent the receipt of compliments

If we know the benefits of knowing how to receive compliments; so why block us and feel embarrassed when someone makes us one? Behind this discomfort, there may be some belief: "Beware of praise, they hide interest". This belief drives us to interpret praise as a threat or danger. Thus, we will react with suspicion, fear, anxiety or anger. However, such a danger exists very rarely, it is only a verbal conditioning.

Sometimes, compliments are used to manipulate or create a climate that facilitates and motivates the other person to achieve his goal. A sentence that may have initially generated positive emotions may in this case be negatively understood and generate negative emotional responses if it is interpreted as manipulation.

Another belief that can prevent us from receiving compliments is "be simple and modest, people who compliment are, in the end, envious". This message also prevents us from saying positive things about ourselves.

Another belief associated with the annoyance caused by receiving compliments is the following "he must wait until I return the compliment". This thought is often irrational because we do not know what the other person is thinking. It is better to think that a compliment is given spontaneously and wait for its correspondence.

One last thought or belief associated with this discomfort is: "It's a sarcastic compliment, he tells me to annoy me". In this case, the belief may be changed to "It may be true and it may not be the case." I accept the compliment and if it is sincere, I am grateful. accepting it I partly destroy the plans of my interlocutor. "

We can change these irrational beliefs associated with the discomfort caused by compliments. In this way, we will be better able to learn to receive them without discomfort. Our relations will be more sincere and satisfying.

The subtle art of responding to compliments

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