Self-punishment is useless. This irrational anger towards oneself, that way of looking at yourself with contempt every time you feel ashamed, that you lose control, that you fail and that you feel rejection of others, is useless and unhealthy.
Self-punishment also involves self-injury, insults to oneself, isolation, and the feeling of not being worthy of others.
Maybe you do not know how to stop punishing yourselfhow to break out of this vicious circle of destructive self-attack to find a constructive pattern of behavior.
Why is it so hard to stop punishing yourself?
If self-punishment is so persistent, it is a way to defend oneself against the pains of life,and unfortunately, life is full of suffering.
We all feel the intense need to mix with others, to be accepted, to achieve success and approval.
However, sometimes we come up against another reality: the others reject us, are disappointed with us and make their desires pass before ours. The people we love suffer and die, and our dreams can not always come true.
When we feel this pain, we are energizing because we are willing to do something about it.
This energy can be internal, in the form of anger or rage. It motivates us to find inner peace and overcome suffering.
However, when we are downcast, ignored, despised or attacked for trying to meet our needs, the phenomenon of self-punishment may appear. The same thing can be observed if we neglect this quest for peace to overcome pain.
This creates a feeling of insecurity and uselessness. We then take that anger and rage and turn it against ourselves.
At that moment, we start thinking that we are the cause of the problem. Guilt makes us reject ourselves and we feel the need to punish ourselves.
Why is self-punishment useless?
These attacks on ourselves are not seen as threats, but they are a form of hope.
Indeed, it is hoped that through pain the problem will be solved. However, these punishments do not solve anything, and leave us shot and isolated.
This habit of self-attack is so familiar that it gradually becomes a permanent part of our personality.
This rage towards ourselves can consume us little by little and prevent us from being present and involved in our life.
Our relationships, and our connections with ourselves and others, will further affirm us in this need to continually punish ourselves. However, with time, it is more and more difficult to escape.
How to break free from self-punishment?
First of all, you have to admit that self-punishment is deeply rooted. Thus, you may feel the need to punish yourself even more when you discover how much you are suffering because of what you are doing.
However, this should not slow you down. Be honest with yourself, and skip over this.
You must focus on what is beyond esteem. If you were able to achieve self-esteem and acceptance, you would not be there, but you need a start at all.
To improve your well-being, it is very important to create a more positive feeling of yourself.
You need help to bring out that suffering, and a way to channel your anger. If you can not do it alone, find someone who supports you and guides you.
You also need to experience the comforting feeling of calm, as a prerequisite for learning to relax when you feel the need to turn that anger on you.
Finally, it is important to learn to feel compassion for the suffering of others and to value human needs. Thus, you will be able to experience compassion for yourself and value yourself.
Over time, we realize that we are able to stand up and manage the sufferings of life. Therefore, we can identify and pursue what we really want.
Courageously, we free ourselves from this self-punishment and properly direct our energy back to the world.