Sometimes we can ask ourselves whether we should continue or end our relationship.Misery, sadness, loneliness or a feeling of emptiness can become unbearableeven if you are with someone. So, why continue a relationship that does not make us happy?
If we adopt the role of observers to analyze this type of situation, we can realize all the harm we are doing. This role can also help us to change our point of view. In a relationship of couple but also of friendship or family, the fact to "hold the blow" and to see how all our world collapses can seem us superfluous from an external point of view.
From the outside, we see it very clearly. But sometimes the person involved sees it too. However,she takes up this relationship as if nothing had happened, in spite of suffering, evil and constant criticism.
Many people think that they have to continue their relationship for a reason: because they think that's what they have to do.Throwing in the towel is not an option. At least that's what they believe.Because that would indicate that they failed.
Before, couples lasted longer …
You must have heard this sentence more than once. It was probably pronounced by an older person or even someone of your age. It is true that whenwe look back, it seems that staying in a relationship when you were neither happy nor comfortable was quite an achievement.As if it were a race full of obstacles at the end of which we had to get a medal. Whoever held the shot the longest won.
Today, the number of separations and divorces has increased. Many people are no longer afraid to leave when their relationship is bad. However, othersstill have the feeling that keeping up with their relationship is a positive thing.Perhaps because the ideals of romantic love are still present in the minds of many people. As if letting time pass was going to solve the problems. The fact is that the commitment, the feelings, the desire to continue and evolve towards the well-being must be present in the two members of the couple.
But, to endure a relationship, what does it mean?
Perhaps we should qualify the concept of "support". In general, it does not refer to making efforts or overcoming a problem that has arisen in the couple. It means rather thanendure something that we should not tolerate.It is therefore important to differentiate it from certain situations in which testing and efforts to keep going can work.
- Lack of understanding: Not knowing how to communicate properly, not listening and not being sincere can lead to misunderstanding and misunderstanding. This can be solved by making efforts at the individual level or by consulting a psychologist specializing in couple issues.
- Sexual problems:lack of passion, premature ejaculation or any other sexual problem do not have to be "supported". They all have solutions but the help of a specialized person may be needed.
These are just examples of difficulties that may exist in any relationship. They must not assume the end of the couplebecause problems can be solved through efforts or seeking help.But there are other types of "resistance". Those who tell us that we should flee this relationship as soon as possible.
Pursue a relationship that hurts
Being in a relationship where passion is lacking and communication is complicatedis different from staying in a relationship where we are suffering.The first can be solved, even if it takes action to achieve it. In the second, most of the time, it is better to break as fast as possible. Especially if our freedom and our ability to be happy are compromised.
Sometimes,we hold on to relationships where, in our moments of lucidity, we know that we would go better without the other.In fact, in these cases, it is usual to find infidelities, abuse, manipulation, a lack of respect … These are relationships where our self-esteem and our dignity run the risk of being trampled. If they are not already. Nevertheless, we are here. And we try to hold something that crumbles irretrievably.
We sometimes think that we have to hold on in a relationship where there is a lack of respect, mockery and manipulation.We do not know all that and we justify itbecause we are in love with that person, because we are addicted or simply because we think we can not have something better.
Why we continue
We sometimes support these situationsbecause we think they are synonymous with love.We even come to believe this phrase that we listen to every day in songs and that we read in romance novels: "love must hurt". But love is not that.
If, for us, a relationship is a torture, an expenditure of energy, a constant suffering …Do we really think it's love?Or, on the contrary, do we allow others to harm us?
Nobody voluntarily seeks pain. When we involuntarily approach our hand of fire, we immediately drive it away. On the other hand, when we are in a relationship that hurts and burns, we do not back down and we endure the pain.
To question the beliefs we have about love, to change our point of view about this deep feeling, and to be concerned about our self-esteem, is essential for healthy relationships, those where the word "support" does not should not be pronounced.
Now, ask yourself the following question:what did you endure and tolerate in the name of love?