We often talk about how children disappoint their parents.However, when it is the turn of the latter to disappoint them, voluntarily or not, a more invisible veil falls on reality. Thus, aspects such as lack of respect, support, attention or protection are silent sequelae that often accompany us to adulthood, in the form of injuries and deficiencies.
We know that educating a child is not an easy task. The challenges are numerous and the helpers rare; the best parents do not receive a prize and the worst have no sanction.Failures, as well as successes, are imprinted in children's lives silently and in the privacy of the family environment.Later, these little ones will grow and mature by considering all the things they have lived in a good or bad way.
"Disappointment is a kind of bankruptcy – the bankruptcy of a soul that spends too much in hope and expectation."
Moreover, and this is a curious point, it should be noted that, on average,many parents tend to overestimate the influence they have on their children.As a study conducted in Stanford University's Department of Psychology explains to us, we often overlook the impact that certain behaviors, the type of language used, or even the way a father or mother may treat other people outside the family circle.
Raising a child means much more than meeting one's primary needs.A child also feeds on what he sees, hears and feels.Nothing is left to chance. Everything is processed and integrated in the form of positive growth marks or impulses …
When parents disappoint their own children
Love is not always enough when it comes to starting a family. We must also know how to love. Sometimes, the disproportionate affection drifts towards an overprotection which hinders the emotional and personal development of the child. Other times, this love that always seeks to offer the best things to the child leads to an education marked by strict guidelines, inflexible orders and authoritarian behavior.
Parents disappoint their children in different ways. They are not even aware of it most of the time,for a very simple reason: they have a biased and very little pedagogical vision of what affection is. Thus, parents' intelligent love for their children is one that encourages growth in every sense of the word. And, more particularly, an emotional, psychological growth. That which allows to develop an autonomy and to create a safe and happy identity.
Even though these parents often do the best they can, that's not enough. And they can not do it for a variety of reasons.Let's see some of them.
There are couples, men and women with a clearly immature personality that prevents them from properly raising children.Irresponsibility, inconsistency in educational standards, lack of habits and teaching strategies lead to very complicated situations with sometimes disastrous consequences.
When parents drop their own children, a wound appears: that of disappointment. It is a brand that can not always be erased, which can even condition how we will relate to others: with greater distrust.Share
Parents with a traumatic past
Some mothers and fathers raise their children with the weight of a traumatic past more than obvious. And sometimes even with the still painful memory of abuse, adversity or still open wounds. All of this usually affects the quality of the child's education. It is clear that not all situations are similar, but in general very extreme behaviors tend to emerge.
There are parents who are unable to digest their own traumatic childhood and project this lack of affection onto their children. Others, on the other hand, are still obsessed by this shadow of the past and protect their little ones excessively.
Parents who are projecting on their children
Broken dreams, unfinished projects, ideals that have not been achieved, abandoned goals … All this frustration stored inside a parent finds hope at the birth of a child. It's at that momentthat the foundations of a better project are put in place: to make sure that the little boy or girl succeeds in doing what the father or mother wanted to do.
This educational dynamic completely neglects the needs of children. Their own wishes are denied, as are their childhood and adolescence.Here's how parents can disappoint their children.
Parents who do not know how to meet the needs of their children
We can not choose our parents. And our parents can not choose us.Children are born with their own traits, their own personality, their particularities and their needs. To know how to answer them in the best possible way is undoubtedly the greatest duty of a father or a mother.
On the other hand, neglecting these needs or banning them is an attack on the integrity of the child.Often, after the rebellious behavior, revenge or defiance of a child, many deficiencies are not taken into account.The gaps are not filled and the gaping holes left by the education of these parents are growing more and more.
To conclude, we know that disappointments are marks that, in a way, we all carry on ourselves. Of course, they are sometimes heavy and can easily crush us. However,these conscious or unconscious mistakes made by our parents do not have to limit our quality of life.
We have the power to forgive them or not. Knowing how to leave behind the weight of the past to better progress in our present is however a primary obligation. On the other hand, we must prevent these mistakes made by our progenitors from affecting the education of our own children.We can turn the past into learning that will help us build the most beautiful future.