What is happening ? Why did he do that ? What will he do ? If you are tempted to answer any of these questions by: "Well, I do not know, but I imagine that… "it may be time to read this article.
Assume its consequences …
To assume is to draw hasty conclusions without even bothering to look for arguments that hold up. To suppose is to seek an explanation and then to reinforce it by thoughts and comments.
The problem is that the person who assumes, usually ends up believing in his inventions. But in most cases, she does not even remember why she came to that statement.
So, it is very common that a mere supposition born of an "innocent habit of speaking a little too much of others" becomes a false rumor, and ultimately a lie.
Assuming can ruin a person's reputation, because even if you insist that it's just your personal opinion and you're not 100% sure, it's highly likely that no one will take it into account. and that the rumor is spreading.
And because of a simple and innocent assumption, even if you do not talk to anyone about what you think, you can still have a distorted and unreal image of a person at the head.
What fuels these bad thoughts?
Whether the discussion is with another person or with yourself, a lie can happen quickly. You can lie to yourself as well as to others.
Even if one is aware that what is advanced is not certain, the emotions felt at the time of the announcement are difficult to erase. And even if they are erased, the words leave traces and a negative predisposition.
Think of the feelings that these assumptions can engender:
"I'm sure she cheated on him."
"He must surely abuse his children."
"In my opinion he is not sincere, I do not think he has told the truth."
Why do we always imagine the worst?
Sadly, most of our assumptions are negative thoughts. Indeed, the human being tends to give more importance to the bad news.
Why ? One theory states that this would be due to the moment of survival. For a human being pays more attention when one says to him: "this snake is venomous" that: "what a beautiful sunset!"
That is to say, we give more importance to negative things and, therefore, we give them more credibility. In other words,we are unconsciously predisposed to imagine the worst, especially when we talk about others … All this to protect us.
We often tend to assume that we are at the root of most things that happen, that others are supposed to know what we want, or that others will react in the same way as we do.
None of these reasonings is productive. Basing ourselves on one of these assumptions can be devastating for all concerned, we the first.
Assume must not replace communication
What to do in the event that you really care about what a person is doing or why they have done this? Well, it's very simple: ask him!
Communicating with the person concerned is a hundred times more productive than an internal dialogue or with a third party. Because when you assume, you prevent the person concerned from speaking.
If you have trouble asking directly to the person concerned, you will have to ask yourself if the question is worth it. If not, would not it be better to move on?
Assuming must not prevent your personal fulfillment
Assumptions do not always concern the actions of others. Indeed, there is another kind of supposition, which can form a huge obstacle on our own path …
When one imagines that one is not going to love something that one has never tried; that we are not able to learn new things; that we will never be able to visit this place of which we dream so much, etc., we build ourselves a wall that blocks us the path to new experiences.
Sometimes we imagine that some traditions are inevitable and there is no other way of doing things. These thoughts stifle our creativity and make us routine and monotonous.
In conclusion, we should at all costs avoid assuming, either for ourselves or for others. Let's check first. Let's ask things. Try. Live.
Photo courtesy of Johan Larsson