Grieving is a painful process that we all have to go through, including children. But we do not always understand how they live this situation. Even though most children resolve their grief without major complications,It is important to know how they are developing this process to implement different strategies.
It is therefore essential to ban mistaken beliefs about grief in children. So thatwe will be able to help the children in the best way possible if they have to face this painful situation. To better understand this type of belief, it is first necessary to define what grief is. Deepen.
"Time is a doctor who heals all the mourning."-Diphile-
What is grief?
Grief is a process of coping with a loss that includes a series of steps.This will usually be the death of a loved one. It can also be associated with other conditions such as, among other things, the layoff, a break-up or the death of a pet.
According to the psychologist Kluber-Ross, we have to go through 5 phases to overcome this loss.It is a succession of attitudes and moods where emotions vary to achieve acceptance.Each person will live this experience in his own way. Each person will experience these different phases in a different way. However, to better understand this process, we will briefly describe what each phase is.
- Denial. The person can not believe what has happened and uses denial to defend himself from the pain he is experiencing. His mind tries to find a way to maintain well-being despite being in a situation of utmost helplessness.
- Anger. This step appears when the loss is finally accepted as real. The person feels frustration and helplessness about what happened.
- Negotiation. The affected person tries to find a way to reverse the situation. We can resort to religious or supernatural beliefs in the case of the death of a loved one. Emotional pain will be stronger than at any other stage.
- The Depression. The person falls into a state of great despair and sadness because of the feeling of helplessness.
- acceptance. The person, at this stage, assumes that what has happened is irreversible. However, unlike the previous phase,the person realizes that she can live with this loss. This is the moment when we look back to find an apprenticeship.
heesIt's also important to keep in mind that children can experience this process differently. Especially if they are small because they are usually very dependent physically and emotionally during the first years of their life and do not necessarily understand the death and its consequences. They nevertheless notice the absence of this person, feeling feelings of abandonment and lack of protection.
What are the most common misconceptions about grief in children?
Many people have mistaken beliefs about grief in children.They think that it is very different from that of adults. The reality is that while some aspects of grief are different, others are the same. The important thing is that children feel loved and protected by another person.
Here are some of the most common misconceptions about grief in children.
Children do not realize what's going on
The most dangerous belief about the child's mourning is to believe that the child is not aware of anything. It is true that a child does not understand exactly what death is.He will notice, however, that changes have occurred in his environment. So that the person who is deceased will miss him and that he will notice that the adults around him live a bad time.
The main problem with this belief is that childrenborn will not get the support they need. Losing someone close is also difficult for them. At this stage, therefore, they need more love, attention and understanding than ever before.
The duel of childhood must last little
The second of the erroneous beliefs about mourning in the child relates to the supposedly adequate duration of it. heis sometimes considered that regretting someone for a long time is a symptom of weakness. So some parents believe that a child should overcome the death of a loved one as soon as possible.
Cela therefore generates excessive pressure on children. They will not only have to deal with their pain, but with the feeling that they do not meet expectations.It is therefore necessary to understand that children (and the not so young) may need a lot of time to properly develop grief.
All deaths do not generate mourning
Some people believe that not all deaths should cause pain. Theemotions are not easy to control. Our children may therefore need to develop grief for a loss that, in principle, should not be so complicated. This may be the case, for example, for the loss of a pet. Or a person who is not very close.
The key here is understanding. We must remember that children do not choose to feel bad. We must therefore be patient with them and help them to the best of our ability.