Well-being, like the inner balance, is not something that varies in itself as much as, for example, time. Emotions condition our quality of life, and they also mediate the quality of our own decisions and choices. So, and with that in mind, it's important to know about this series of emotional mistakes that limit our happiness and that we need to start working from today.
As Daniel Goleman himself said in his book How to be a leader, at least 80% of our success in life depends on our ability to manage our emotions. But it's not just about finding a good position in our areas of work. It is not about the ability to become a reference person or to be an undisputed guru in certain skills.
"What we do does not always bring happiness, but if we do nothing, there will be no happiness."
Essentially, we are talking about something simpler: being happy. Because happiness, and we discover it sooner or later, is not found and does not appear one day at the door of the house. Happiness is an inner state that must be worked daily as a delicate garden. Weeds need to be eliminated, some seeds need to be sown, some branches need to be pruned successfully and no others, and we need to know how to provide adequate nutrients to the soil.
Knowing this, being competent in emotional intelligence can pave the way for countless things. However, sometimes, far from acting with the temperance of those who have acquired good tools in this knowledge, we allow ourselves to be carried away. We limit ourselves to groping, acting instinctively and almost always by an ineffective education in terms of emotions and feelings.
Three emotional errors that limit your happiness: denial
I see you have not succeeded, how are you feeling, are you sure you are well? / Are you sure you're not mad? / Are you sure everything is fine? / Are you sure you do not care about what happened? / Do you agree with us?
These are just a few examples of the wide range of problems that we often face on a daily basis and often answer in the same way: nothing happens to me, everything is fine. Hide or deny our feelings is an almost normative reaction in many of us. And it's probably one of the worst emotional mistakes that limit our ability to be happy.
It is clear, however, that we can not always be transparent. However, few principles of personal hygiene are as relevant as the practice of emotional affirmation. Because suppressing or hiding what hurts will not make us stronger or more competent. On the contrary, it will break us little by little. Remember that we are people, we are not like the sea and its waves, which break every day without complaining, we have the right and the duty to show what hurts, to complain, to to be honest.
Escape the uncomfortable feelings
There are emotions we do not like. Feelings that are uncomfortable, that we leave out because we do not tolerate them in our life. Anger, frustration, disappointment, anguish … How bad they can be, is not it? Of course, and that's why we chose to repress them, because besides not loving them, we do not know what to do with them.
We forget something that Antonio Damasio, the famous neurologist, tells us often. We are emotional beings who, one day, have learned to think. We are not machines that one day realized that they could feel. Therefore, the act of giving space to emotions, letting them flow and find their place is a way of accepting oneself. Validation, investing in mental health.
I must be happy!
The third of our emotional mistakes is this need in fashion today: the obsession to be happy. We seek happiness as one embarks on a journey without a destination. Like someone who goes shopping and does not know what to buy, like someone who feels a huge gap and does not know how to fill it. And this anguish, this intuition that something is missing, often leads us to feed on a substitute of happiness that neither fills us nor pleases us. On the contrary, what it brings us sometimes is more frustration and more misfortune.
Let's stop for a moment. Just a moment to get some fresh air and think. Because what we often content ourselves with simple rewards without investing in a solid project. And this project is nothing but ourselves. Few emotional errors are as serious as looking outside what we must have inside. To know and understand it is to avoid many sufferings.
We must work daily, like goldsmiths, to strengthen our self-esteem, our self-esteem, our vital project, our assertiveness and our passion. In order for our whole life to come closer to happiness, we must avoid those emotional errors that sometimes interfere with our quality of life.