We often hear that the secret of a couple that lasts is the communication. However, everyone will interpret the thing differently, because some will think they communicate enough and others will think they should talk more with their spouse.
Communication it's more than just talking. It's the bottom, what is said, and how to do it.
- 1 What are the most common mistakes?
- 2 How to express myself correctly?
- 3 By what means ?
- 4 1. Tell him the qualities you like about him
- 5 2. Accept the marks of affection and compliments
- 6 3. Dare to say "no"
- 7 4. Dare to ask
- 8 5. Say what you think and how you feel
- 9 6.Watch out for the accusations …
- 10 7. Use mitigation
What are the most common mistakes?
The majority of mistakes made when talking about communication are about how to express themselves and about the lack of respect for others, such as:
– Impose his point of view as if he were better than that of his / her partner;
– Frequently complain of other's faults, sometimes exaggeratedly;
– Require our partner that he / she be as we have decided;
– Not interested in each other's points of view and beliefs;
– Do not let the other person express themselves;
– Interrupt the other constantly, without even giving him time to express himself;
– manipulate to achieve one's ends;
– Pretend to agree when you're not.
These behavioral errors can weaken the couple and even lead to breakage in most cases.
How to express myself correctly?
To put an end to aggression, passivity or manipulation, only one solution: demonstratemitigation.
Mitigation is a form of expression aimed at respecting both partners. It is a question of putting words on one's thoughts, feelings and points of view in a calm and appropriate way, while sincerely desiring to know and to discover those of the other, to better understand it.
By what means ?
1. Tell him the qualities you like about him
It is important to express the qualities that are particularly appreciated in others. A physical peculiarity, a trait, his way of speaking, whatever. The verbalization will be essential so that both members of the couple feel better. The daily will improve significantly if the compliments replace the critics.
For example, it's not the same thing to say : ” You know, I'd like you to know that even though I may not be showing it enough, I really appreciate the efforts you're making to help me and support me. Thanks to you I feel good. that : ” If that's what you want, help me, do it at least as it should! "
2. Accept the marks of affection and compliments
The partner can also express his esteem for you. Do not doubt his sincerity because it is not because you do not believe him that he does not think what he says. Accept his compliments with natural, a simple "thank you" enough!
For example your partner can tell you : :What are you beautiful / beautiful! And add : Really, I love your hair … " Remember not to doubt his sincerity and that a simple "thank you" will suffice.
3. Dare to say "no"
Remember that saying "no" is not only your responsibility, and being forced to say "yes" is not sincere and hurts your feelings.
You have the right to refuse something without feeling guilty or selfish. Remember that it is not your partner that you refuse, but his request (although he / she can not understand it).
For example, it's not the same thing to say : ” I understand that you would like us to go to this meeting, but today it does not tempt me too much "rather than forcing oneself to go somewhere and suffer tension.
4. Dare to ask
One of the most common mistakes is to expect the other to do something when envy has never been expressed. We all have the right to express our desires. But if you do not express them, the other can not guess them, even if you've been together for years and know each other by heart. If you really want something, express it correctly.
For example, it's not the same thing to say : ” I would like us to go out a little more at night, what do you think? " Rather than ruminate in his corner because your other half had not thought about it.
5. Say what you think and how you feel
Make it clear what you think and how you feel, whether positive or negative, but always respecting each other.
There is no better way for your partner to understand you than to talk about your emotions. "That's what I think …", "I'm mad at you because …", "I'm afraid of …" To over-keep this for you, you will end up exploding.
For example, it's not the same thing to say : ” Every time you come back late I worry, I wish that if it comes to reproduce you warn me. ” Rather than blame the other, hide your emotions and say : ” It's always the same ! You always come back very late! "
6.Watch out for the accusations …
It is very easy to get carried away and to accuse our other half. So to avoid unnecessary arguments that are not constructive, the best is:
Ask instead of accusing
" You listen to me ? "rather than a direct accusation : "And there you are, as usual you do not listen when I speak!"
Make a comment rather than categorize the otherfor example : "I noticed that right now you had a tendency to forget to redo the bed after you changed."Rather : "You're really bad, every time you change you go back to the whole room!"
Avoid "always" and "never"
For example, it's better to say : "At this moment you do not go out too much trash."Rather : "You never go out the trash!"
7. Use mitigation
I think, I feel, we do, I like, what do you think of …?, How could we fix that?, etc.
Communicating using these words will not solve everything. However, this will facilitate understanding and gradually strengthen mutual respect.
You just have to apply all these tips!