The pain associated with not wanting to suffer

The pain associated with not wanting to suffer

It may sound incredible, but in recent years, a social mandate forcing us to be happy above all has imposed itself. The fact of not wanting to suffer has become a statement that many follow to the letter without questioning the consequences it implies.

Many people now speak of "the dictatorship of happiness". Many report as analyst Ima Sanchis that "happiness has become an instrument of torture” . Paradoxically, depression has never been an epidemic so extensive as it is now. In one way or another, not wanting to suffer has become a huge source of suffering.

Many people feel a strong dislike of what they call "negative". Let no one speak of his suffering, let anyone complain, or let anyone show signs of pessimism. It's like we're all in a play where pain is forbidden. It's like we suddenly stop being human beings. Not wanting to suffer is actually not wanting to live.

"Suffering and love may be a capacity for redemption that men have forgotten or, at least, neglected."

-Martin Luther King-

The prison of not wanting to suffer

In fact, few conscious people would say they want to experience pain. Another thing happens on the subconscious level. Man is the only being who stumbles a thousand times on the same stone and continues to walk blindly until situations cause him suffering. But this is another story.

The point discussed in this article does not mean that we must seek suffering. It's really about presenting the trend of disowning it. The pain in life is not chosen, it is part of it. Attempting to deny suffering, to hide it or to ignore it does not make us happier. On the contrary: this could be the cause of the birth of a pain more difficult to overcome.

The most disconcerting in this current desire not to want to suffer is that it is a kind of aspiration to simulation. If you are asked, "How are you?" And are not doing well, you feel obliged to lie. Your answer must be "Very good". Those who favor these "idiots" say that you end up convincing yourself that you are doing well when you are not. Moreover, according to them, if you answer: "Mal, I suffer" many will move away from you as if you had the plague.

Disguised happiness

Psychoanalyst Luis Hornstein says that in his consultations, many people have similar patterns of suffering. Excessive dependence on others, serious confusion of values, vertiginous fluctuations in self-esteem, difficulty in establishing meaningful relationships … We are no longer in Freud's time when people with exotic and particular illnesses came to consult. In today's world, even suffering has become standardized.

The desire not to suffer has also been standardized. For this reason, many people consult to stop suffering. They do not consult to understand the meaning of their suffering and make changes, but rather to eliminate the pain. For this reason, by not obtaining this impossible result, they end up giving up psychotherapy by immersing themselves in a history of blind love, an invasive obsession or an evasive cynicism.

We have forgotten that we all need suffering to grow up. Emotional pain is the one that allows us to bring to life impossible fantasies and to learn to manage limitations and losses. These two elements, limitations and losses, are constant from birth to death. Let us learn to overcome them by giving a face to suffering and not by evading it.

Learn to be happy

Happiness is something that goes beyond a one-off success or an instant of euphoria. It's also much more than just half-done positive quotes. We manage to be happy when we learn to extract the best of each of the experiences we experience. We manage to be happy when we learn to trust our abilities to overcome what life offers us, with its ups and downs.

The greatest happiness lies in the being and not in the appearance. They are distinguished by the attitude that accompanies them. It is a serene attitude that speaks of inner peace and balance. This is not a constant fact but a permanent work that allows us to adopt more constructive perspectives.

We are a little happier when we accept our vulnerability, our exposure to uncertainty and our submission to limitations. Not wanting to suffer is contrary to the conditions necessary to be happy. To deny suffering is to deny us. It also means giving up the growth each pain brings with it to teach us how to be better in life.

To love is not to suffer

But why do we often associate suffering with love? In this article, we propose to think about this question. Learn more
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