We sometimes have to stop to think about why we want what we want. External goals defined by feelings of vanity or the need to be someone can move us away from our true desires and especially from ourselves. Are you the person others want you to be or have you become yourself?
The need to be someone may, secretly, correspond to the need to obtain the approval of others. A small inner voice may scream at us that the real reason we need others to tell us what we are worth is that we do not approve ourselves. So,"to be someone" is the perfect mask for us to feel valid through others.
We are prepared and predisposed from birth to try to achieve material goals. It is common to hear at home, at school and in the social context that you need to be someone in your life. This leads tofeelings of frustration and unmet needs. It is true that individuals need self-realization, as highlighted in Maslow's theory of needs. This motivation should not, however, lead to a blockage of the natural capacity to be oneself.
Being oneself means connecting with our abilities and developing them according to our potential. In other words, do not base the motivation on "being or wanting to be someone in life". On the contrary, it must come fromthe vital and natural impulse to express oneself, to discover and to come out of oneself, being as we are, without having to disguise himself in other forms or people.
"I am nobody, I am just me, wherever I am something, and now I am something you can not help."-Ray Bradbury-
Where does the need to be from?
Why do some people only live to be someone?How is it that others do not even think about it for a second? It may be that they already know they are someone. So they do not need to value themselves through rules that measure only the ego and vanity, characteristics that also reflect a lack of love for others and an excess of love for oneself.
According to Edward Young, English poet of the pre-Romanticism which we remember especially thanks to his workNight Thoughts ("Nocturnal thoughts" in French), theVanity is the legitimate and necessary daughter of ignorance.The man, in the words of this author, is a blind man who does not know how to see himself. Many things have been written about this sentence. Nevertheless, we emphasize here how vanity can blind a man to the point where he does not really know who he is.
The need to be someone drives us to value others based on their accomplishments, possessions, appearance, and other scales imposed by the ego. But "to be someone ” actually has nothing to do with external merits. On the contrary. The real goal should be to find out who we really are.
"What idiots are those who move away from what is real, true and lasting and pursue on the other hand the fugitive forms of the material world, forms that are mere reflections in the mirror of the ego."-Han Shan-
If you have to betray yourself to be someone, you better be yourself
Most people believe that they made themselves. External influences, in our mind, have not played an important role in the goals we have set for ourselves. However, we often ignore the influence of others on what we want.
Many patients consulting a psychologist suffer from an existential crisis. The latter usually occurs because they suddenly begin to wonder why they are where they are.The individualsoften realize, after a long time, that they have chosen a wrong path.
Many people, in some of these crises, begin to realize that they are all that they once criticized. They sometimes discover that they look more like their parents than they thought. It is normal and inherent to learn through observation and to acquire the qualities of others. It is nevertheless necessary to pay attention. The need to be someonecan lead us to give up our true dreams.
Ego, pride and vanity are human feelings that will not magically disappear. They have their adaptive functions and are even necessary in certain occasions.We may be building a life that was taught to us from the outside, not the one we really wanted to build, when these feelings condition our actions.
"I know exactly what I'm fleeing but not what I'm looking for."-Michel de Montaigne-