It is not necessary to give up what one is to love the other. A mature love is the union of love for each other and self-lovewithout any conflict of interest. One must learn to love without giving up what one is.
In love, some are dependent on each other, so that they completely forget themselves in their fusion with the beloved.
But once they have crossed this boundary and can no longer live by and for themselves, it is hard to go back. These people are then caught in the web of feelings and thoughts they have created in parallel with the assumed duties.
In a relationship, acceptance and renunciation of certain things are obviously necessarybecause to be in a relationship, you have to share an emotional life, and therefore to negotiate a number of things.
But, this negotiation must not go beyond the limits of "reasonable"because it would directly affect the personal value of one of the members of the couple, or even destroy it.
That's what happens when, instead of trying to negotiate, you try to take over the other. But then, how far do we have to love?
As Walter Riso says in one of his books, the limit is dignity, integrity and happiness. Sometimes, love for each other prevents self-love, and that's itthe dark side of love.
Not that we should not give affection to others, but love should not be enough to justify the emotional bond and the moral, physical, psychological and social costs that flow from it.
And even if we can not get rid of our feelings for someone in a snap of their fingers, we can however put an end to a destructive relationship.
Often, in the eye of the cyclone, the seemingly calm and calm climate does not give a glimpse of the turmoil.
Everyone's culture plays an important role, and she sometimes carries clichés about love and other irrational relationships.
IThese are accepted ideas based on absolute categories consisting of seeing suffering as a condition of great love.to think that a person who does not suffer in his marriage is not in love with the other, or that love can only be known by perpetually sacrificing himself.
Perhaps love is absolute and has a number of imperatives and rules that prevent it from reinventing itself. From this point of view, dependence would be constitutive of love.
So, if we are on this famous dark side of love, we can then each day become aware of our fallor even get to be insensitive to pain and suffering, self-deception participating in this behavior.
The best thing to do is to maintain a romantic relationship where the "I", worthy, helps to balance the emotional exchange.
It is not a matter of living in egocentric individualism or of exalting a rigid and categorical autonomy, but rather of investing oneself in the relationship by putting a point of honor in maintaining one's self-esteem.
In the couple, you count as much as your half, and your differences become compatible and complementary.
The more we love ourselves, the more we are lucky to love each other. The love we feel is then more mature and more respectful.
So, responsible individualism in a couple relationship have only advantages, such as human development on the part of both members of the couple, the stimulation of reciprocity and the search for consensus, the taking into account of the emotions of the other, the healthy concern for the other, effective communication, and respect .
Love does not work one way. Indeed, since we give love, we expect in return. Couple relationships feed on exchange and balance.
Remember one thing: "While waiting to live, life goes on" (Seneca)