The lack of passion in a couple is one of the problems that causes the most dissatisfaction in the world of relationships. Finding someone to share your time with can be difficult, but it is even harder to maintain a healthy and lasting relationship. For this reason, more and more psychologists are concerned about the best way to do this by doing research.
In this article, we will study the importance of passion in relationships as well as the best ways to fight against it. For it, it is first necessary to understand why it appears and what is its function.
What exactly is the passion?
By passion, we evoke a feeling that allows us to feel attraction and excitement for a person. In general, it is considered to be one of the three fundamental components of a relationship. In Sternberg's triarchic theory, the feeling of passion for our partner is an indispensable prerequisite for developing complete love.
However, why does this feeling appear? What is its function in the lives of individuals? Nowadays, the most accepted explanation is that given by evolutionary psychology. According to this discipline, to understand our emotions, it is important to observe the function they fulfilled during the development of our species.
So, this approach asserts that passion allowed our ancestors to ensure their reproduction. When a couple formed, both members of the couple felt a great desire for each other which led them to have sex almost constantly. Later, once the children were born, that emotion no longer needed to exist.
Evolutionary origin of the lack of passion within the couple
If we observe what is happening in the current couples, we can realize that their evolution follows exactly the pattern we have just described. When two people start going out together, they go through what is known as the limerence stage. During this period, both members of the couple feel an inordinate attraction for the other person. At the brain level, different neurotransmitters are released and passion reaches its highest level.
However, as the relationship progresses, this initial energy goes out and the lack of passion makes its appearance within the couple. The other two factors (commitment and intimacy) then take on this role and the sexual desire fades away.
Some researches have even shown that intimacy and passion are somehow incompatible. Oxytocin, the main hormone that strengthens the love bond, is also responsible for reducing the sexual desire felt by the members of a couple.
In fact, what must be understood about the lack of passion within the couple is thatit is something totally normal. Humans are not evolutionarily made to have a relationship throughout their lives. But does that mean we can do it? According to some experts such as Helen Fisher, this is not necessarily the case.
How to revive the passion within the couple
We have seen that our biology will not help us maintain a strong desire in a stable relationship. Once the limerence ends, the magic of the beginnings disappears little by little. However, there are other factors that can help us address the lack of passion within the couple. We will see them later in this article.
Dozens of studies have shown that experiencing intense experiences can awaken passion in a couple. For example, extreme sports, an amusement park getaway, or watching a horror movie can increase sexual desire when it begins to wane.
2. Constantly improve
One of the reasons that passion disappears in a couple is that people tend to forget themselves when they are involved in a relationship. Instead of trying to be as attractive as possible for the other person, we accommodate ourselves. Luckily, it is very easy to remedy this trend.
If you want to solve the lack of passion within your couple, One of the most effective solutions is to try to improve yourself. This can involve many aspects such as going to the gym, working on your social skills or your charisma.
3. Maintain some independence
Finally, to avoid some of the most harmful effects of oxytocin on passion, it is important that both members of the couple continue to be independent. We all love spending time with our partner but doing everything together is the fastest way to quench desire.
For that, if you feel that passion is disappearing from your lives, start booking a part of your life for yourself. By becoming more independent, you will increase your self-esteem and your partner will start looking at you with other eyes.
Maintaining long-term passion in a relationship is not easy, But it is not impossible. The three tips you just read will help you get in the right direction. However, do not be afraid to try other methods. In the end, you and your partner are together in this battle.