The "invisible" emotional manipulation

The “invisible” emotional manipulation

We all know that there are many ways to manipulate someone, through blackmail, insults, bad mood, etc. But there is another form of manipulation far more painful than it is difficult to detect from the beginning ; it is a trap in which one falls little by little …

Albert's example

Albert was a kind and intelligent boy who led a most normal life. One day, he met a girl who was a student in psychology. At that time of his life, he felt very lonely; he had few friends left, his love life was chaotic, and he could not find any job.

In these cases, people tend to feel more vulnerable, even to be manipulated more easily.

This girl supported him unconditionally. For him, she was a way to escape from everyday life and forget about his problems. He was manipulated emotionally and without realizing it by a friend of his, who had enough knowledge of psychology to know how to handle Albert.

The action of the manipulators does not always start from a bad feeling; sometimes we suffer so much from a lack that we can manage to manipulate the other so that it gives us what we need.

Sandra, Albert's friend, had problems with depression. So she made Albert get attached to her so that he could pull her up and give her all the affection she needed at that time. As we said before, she used Albert and made him fall in love with her so as not to lose him and to be able to count on someone who will always be there for him. to help and encourage it.

Albert was a very nice boy, jovial, meticulous and empathetic; qualities that Sandra envied Albert, because they could allow him to get out of the depression pit in which she was.

Sandra was not bad-intentioned. She was a good girl, but because of her depression, she needed to rely unconditionally on someone who was not a member of her family.

To get Albert to focus on her, Sandra used several techniques.

Emotional manipulation has two phases:

First phase: attachment

The manipulator begins by distinguishing himself from others by showing himself in his best light so that the manipulator begins to admire him.Everything begins with this phase where he does everything to please the other, where he takes care of him and gives him everything he wants.

Who has not heard at least once someone say "When we went out together everything was fine, and from the moment we got married, things changed."

Many people manipulate their spouses before marriage until they get what they want, then reverse roles (discussed later in this article), when they feel that they can fully trust each other.

The manipulator knows what the other needs and gives it to him, and this is often excessive so that the manipulated gets used to what we take care of him in this way too pleasant and attentive.

It is a phase in which the manipulator shows himself in his best light, opens himself to the other, and even makes it possible to become a pillar in the life of the manipulated by offering him friendship and unconditional support, which reinforces his confidence in him. The only goal of the manipulator is then to win the trust of the other and make sure to be admired by him.

How did Sandra go about it so that Albert gets attached to her?She simply applied all the principles of this first step and was therefore at its best by opening up to him and sharing with him his knowledge of psychology, which she put into practice with her friends. and other knowledge. She explained to him all there was to know about this profession of psychologist who was his, to show himself to be intellectually superior to him.

She used her profession to take over Albert and show him that he was lucky to be able to count it among his friends by saying that he could always count on her.

She knew Albert's emotional world well, and particularly his weak points and the shortcomings he suffered, which allowed him to offer him the support he needed.

She did not stop flattering him, which allowed Albert to regain his self-confidence. The contact established between them was frequent; thus, the problems he encountered in his daily life weighed less heavily thanks to the continual friendly relationship he maintained with her.

This is a case of "invisible" emotional manipulation because it goes unnoticed, since at the beginning, the relationship is all that is more positive.

The only thing that can put you on the path of emotional manipulation is excess. Someone can appreciate you, give you affection, even admire you, but to a certain extent. When it becomes excessive, you have to wonder why you are so admired: does the person in front of you try to manipulate you, or does it idealize you because of low self esteem?

In the process of manipulation, things will be even worse if the manipulator also uses his profession (if of course he has a job that can arouse the interest of the manipulated person).

For example, it is likely that an obese person who wants to lose weight may fall in love with a nutritionist who offers help.

If we lack something that the other has, we are then much more likely to admire and focus on him. The same is true for someone who feels bad in their life and who would meet a psychologist who offers to help him amicably and free, or for a person who is not healthy and who can not doing sports ; she is surely more attracted to the enduring and talented athletes.

When we miss something, we admire those who have what we lack. If someone who has what you miss offers to help you for free, then you will be much more likely to develop feelings for that person because she will position herself on a higher echelon from which she will gain more emotional power.

Second phase: role reversal

Once the manipulator sees that the other has full confidence in him, that he gives him affection, love, and that he is very attached to him, we move on to the next phase: the role reversal. If at the beginning, the manipulator was the one who supported and encouraged the other, he passes then this time to the rank of victim.

He already knew what he wanted to receive from the other and, the latter being already in love, he will do everything he can to help the manipulator. Once the manipulator has developed feelings for the manipulator, the latter has the upper hand and holds the reins.

How did Sandra reverse the roles?

At first, she spoke of Albert's goodness and tried to differentiate herself from others by dedicating herself to helping, admiring and flatter. Then she started talking about her own problems and becoming a victim because of her depression. Albert, already in love with her, did everything to help and support him as best he could.

Once the role reversal was effective, the attention, affection, and support received from the manipulator became rarer. It is now he who needs help.

Sandra made sure Albert was only there to comfort her, listen to her, and support her.
Normally, the manipulated person realizes that the situation becomes problematic when he becomes aware that during the first phase, it was nice to be in the company of the manipulator.
But since the transition to the second phase, everything is only malaise and suffering.

The manipulator can even go so far as to ignore the manipulated, it will lead the latter to become more attached; the manipulator knows that whatever he does, the manipulator, already very attached to him, will always be there.

The manipulator feels frustrated because he does not receive as much attention as at the beginning. He may even feel guilty about doing something wrong that could have ruined everything and caused this turnaround in the relationship. He does not understand what could have happened and is not aware of being manipulated: the first phase is only a good and distant memory.

It can even become emotionally dependent if he does not move away from the manipulator when he realizes that the relationship makes him unhappy and uncomfortable.

In these cases, one often lies to oneself; we are convinced that everything will be better. But what is certain is that the only thing that can happen to the manipulated person is to fall into a vicious circle by stubbornly trying to fix things while the other does not. do not put on his own and he does not behave like in the beginning.

Listen to your emotions

The emotions speak for themselves. If they are negative, it is that the relationship is not healthy. There are situations where reason has no power, because we can not put ourselves in the minds of others to see what they think and know why they act in a certain way.

But if reason has no power, then your emotions will always be the only ones to deceive you. When you are manipulated or caught in an unhealthy relationship, you will always be the victim of negative emotions.

Many manipulators try to make the victims feel guilty, but there is no guilt; the most important is your welfare, and if someone gives you negative emotionsit's better to get away from that person, whether it's a friendly relationship, a relationship, or any other type of relationship.

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