For many people, having a spouse is one of the most important aspects of adjustment and social well-being.However, even though relationships are largely satisfactory, they are also fraught with conflict and malaise. Some of these problems occur when one member commits acts of transgression in the relationship.
Transgression in the relationship is defined as the violation of the rules of the relationship, both explicit and implicit, by a member of the relationship. This is a circumstance closely related to the commitment to the extent that the latter determines the implicit contract of any relationship. It is also important to clarify that rules can be asymmetrical. In other words, what is right for one member may not be right for another.
Typology of transgression in the relationship
Finkel and his colleagues have, based on research, developed a typology based on 4 types of transgressions in the relationship:
- Violation of monogamy These transgressions are characterized by acts of infidelity. They can be sexual or emotional. This type of transgression obviously occurs only in monogamous and closed relationships.
- The transgression of the rules of dependence : would enter this typology into possessive or jealous behaviors. These acts demonstrate a lack of trust in the other member of the relationship.
- Violation of confidentiality rules Any attempt to reveal the private aspects of our lives is an offense or an attack. Therefore, a transgression will be characterized if a member of the couple performs this type of acts.
- Non-compliance with the standards of decency We usually expect a spouse to respect our qualities and our own characteristics. In this category of transgressions would be any type of fault that goes against respect for the other. For example, lies, criticism or shame in public.
The effects of transgression in the relationship
Gravity of the transgression
The perceived severity of transgression is one of the factors that will determine the consequences of transgression. The more serious the transgressions, the greater the possibilities of conflict. It is important to note that gravity is largely subjective. There are also important gender differences.
Because of the education provided by society, men repress their emotions more. This leads to a higher threshold of emotional pain. Moreover,women consider transgressions in the relationship more serious than men. Women also regard emotional infidelity as the most serious situation. Men consider it more a matter of infidelity.
Commitment and satisfaction in the relationship
One of the key aspects of relationship study is the engagement factor.It is precisely one of the three dimensions of Sternberg's theory of love. Commitment is the intention of each member of the couple to maintain the relationship over the long term. So a greater commitment implies a lower probability of breaking the relationship after the appearance of a transgression in the relationship of torque.
Here comes into play a curious and somewhat paradoxical aspect since the commitment is the one that establishes the basis of the norms of the couple. Therefore, a greater commitment will require greater rigidity and more rules, which would to some extent facilitate a future transgression of these standards.TheThe facilitating and protective effect of engaging in the transgression of the relationship is interesting.
On the other hand, we can say that transgression has a direct effect on satisfaction in the relationship. When a violation of the rules of the couple occurs, theone of the most affected aspects is the feeling of trust between the members. This generates a decrease in the degree of satisfaction.
On the other hand,high satisfaction can be a protective factor. If the spouse "deceived" observes that the relationship is worth it, does not perceive more satisfactory alternatives, it will be motivated to maintain the relationship.The level of satisfaction is therefore another indicator consequences of the transgression in the relationship of the couple.
Break in the relationship
The severity of the transgression and the degree of satisfaction of the relationship determine to a large extent the consequences of transgression in the couple.If we are talking about high severity and low satisfaction, the most likely outcome is the breakdown of the relationship. This occurs when trust and passion have been so reduced that commitment can not continue. The relationship thus ends.
Despite the tendency to regard a breakup as something negative and to want to avoid it at all costs, it is often the healthiest solution for both spouses. Maintaining a relationship based on fictitious engagement is not usually the best option. Indeed, it assumes a story full of conflict and high doses of anxiety. So,despite the pain and sadness of letting some people behind, breaking a toxic relationship may represent a breakthrough for our personal development.