Feel a mother's warmth, attention and affectionby coming into the world,is perhaps one of the greatest needs that a human being can experience throughout his life. There will be few things we will need more. Indeed, the first fear we know is the fear of losing it, of having an absent mother who does not come to help us when we need it. If that is so, nothing in the world will be able to make up for it.
We are able to accept and support everything she does in the first moments of our life. We can forgive her in the blink of an eye if she criticizes us severely or if she devalues us. In addition, we do not even dare to question the way she treats us. We even tend to blame ourselves for having triggered his anger.We are especially afraid, during these first years, that she is leaving us.
"The hand that cradles the cradle is the hand that rules the world."-William Ross Wallace-
Regardless of availability, a mother may need to be absent. She leaves us alone, even if only for brief moments. We do not resign ourselves to this, however. Indeed, we are not aware of time at such a young age, so we do not know if it will come back.We are slowly learning to cope with these short absences, even if they are synonymous with painand afraid.
Uno injury opensin our heart if, for one reason or another, our mother is not absent for short periods, but most of the time. This injury can also never close. And when that mother is totally absent, the emotional damage is so great that it will leave a legacy in our mind, especially if it happens in the first six years of our life.
Some people reach the age ofdulte by feelingterrified in all situations where they must be alone. When there is nobody at home, for example. So that opens in them a well of anxiety in which they feel that they are drowning. These people are often charming. They have learned that they must "behave well" and do what others expect. But they are like terrified children who succumb to fear when they are alone.
The absence of the mother could also be the causemany sleep and eating disorders. Maybe the mother wanted her baby to eat and sleep, and manipulated him without offering him an unconditional presence. Not sleeping and not eating could sometimes be a way to upset her. To make him pay a debt, even if in the end the child is the one who pays the price.
A mother who is absent frequently and for long periods of time may induce a high level of anxiety in her child. The fear appears when she leaves, but also when she returns because the child does not know when she will leave. Some mothers use this fear to "control" their children. They threaten to abandon them when they do not obey. The child has no escape if he does not have a good enough mother.
The effects of an absent mother
The child who lives with an absent mother develops behavior that follows a typical sequence: protest, despair and estrangement. Absence does not trigger the affection. It makes emotions go crazy.It ends up blocking loving feelings.This absence can also generate a dull hatred for having been subjected to this fatal vicious cycle of wanting and losing, again and again.
Missing mother can give birth to distant, angry and sad human beings. Their children learn little by little and with a burning soul, that they finally have to face the world alone.
Children sometimes wear masks to survive this situation, which they feel is very dangerous. The mask of the sympathetic, the obedient, the terror of the neighborhood, the insensitive … It will be difficult for them to recognize, in adulthood, what lies behind the false personality they invented to cope with abandonment.
Trust in others is what is ultimately lost with an absent mother. Also, hope that someone can meet our needs or even love us. So that the person will try to love, in adult life, creating links of absolute dependence, which will fail again and again.
Otherwise, relations with others sometimes remain suspicious, or require others to do impossible behaviors. An absent mother leaves behind a human being who learns to make links full of anger, anxiety and especially distrust.