The disabling family is the one that disables or hinders the developmentstaff of its members. It implements a series of mechanisms that end up generating insecurity. On the other hand, it undermines confidence in what everyone is capable of doing. It also creates a sense of disability that inhibits personal growth.
We all know that the family is the basic social core. Individuals learn through it to interact with other human beings. In principle,we are learning schemasthat kernel transmits to us, which serve as a basis for interacting in other environments.
” If it's not under his protection, I do not put one foot on the other side of that threshold. May God help me, the ghost can wait for me on the stairs and take me with him to hell!”-Matthew Gregory Lewis-
The models of learned behavior are wrong in the case of a disabling family. It is mainlyways of acting marked by anxiety and guilt. These families cancel their members in different ways. The latter usually have significant problems to adapt to other environments. So it is also very usual that they stay at home until old age.
Disabling family and overprotection
One of the most common mechanisms of the disabling family is overprotection.In other words, an excessive attitude to protect the person from any potential danger. It is based on the idea that the world is a place full of threats. Therefore, extreme measures of prevention and protection must be taken to avoid becoming a victim of one of them.
This type of education breeds anxiety, addiction and low self-esteem. Anxiety generates imaginary fears and guilt. Parents want their children to "not suffer". They are afraid of hurting them if they entrust them with responsibilities. It does not bring up happier children, quite the opposite. This is the quintessence of the disabling family.
People who "grow up" in such families, do it with a bag that, little by little, fills with fears. Just leaving the house scares them, to a greater or lesser extent. Most importantly, they are unable to identify the resources they have to cope with the difficulties or achieve their goals. Parents are used for that. They are the ones who know.
Extreme dependence and superiority
The disabling family is overprotective, motivated by anxiety.It also sends an implicit message of superiority: I can do it, you do not. The family can protect you, you can not do it alone. This therefore generates very strong dependencies. Self-efficacy and low self-esteem also.
In the end, many parents following this type of education found in their children an excuse for not having to think about their own problems.They make their children's ones because they seem easier to solve. They are usually people with great frustrations and emptiness. The children give them an excuse to eternally postpone necessary conversation with themselves.
That's why theyextend as much as possible the dependence of their children. One of the mechanisms that contributes to this is to create a disabling family. So that children will have difficulties the family cocoon, if they succeed. They will still need family for almost everything.
A circle that catches
It is not easy to get out of the circle created by a disabling family. It's not easy becausepeople often refuse to admit that their family environment is pathological. Here is the idea that the family does everything for the good of the person. So that the person ends up believing that it is the truth. So many sacrifices, so much care … It is difficult to understand that this corresponds to a pathological scheme and not to a precious love.
Members of a disabling family tend to become less assertive and otherwise very stubborn. They have a low tolerance for frustration.This is why it is difficult for them to set goals and reach them, despite the adversities. They generally feel inferior to others and victimize themselves very often. This is because they are used to enjoying and feeling worthy of special considerations.
The only way out of the disabling family circle is to unlearn parental patterns. This is obviously something very complicated.The individual must break with a structure that was created by the people he loves most and in which he can feel good. Therefore, the idea of facing his fears without this protective environment seems terrible to him. An act of ingratitude to those who protect him, a way to take unnecessary risks.
He does not have the support of the family to achieve this. He must therefore seek this support from a therapist or from an external person who compensates for his lack of confidence.Asking for help is therefore the first and most important step.