Jules is a successful man at work. He says that since very young, he likes things well done, to spend hours on his homework, which turned out to be "passable". He defines himself as someone who is orderly, neat and perfectionist.
In his own words: either things were perfectly well done or they were not and we had to start all over again.
Jules likes details and the fact that things stay in harmony, according to a routine and a constancy.
He thinks that his way of doing things has allowed him to achieve the success he knows today in his professional environment, even if he considers that it is not enough.
What is Jules' problem?
Seen this way, we could say that Jules is a successful man, very well placed in his work, hardworking, orderly … no shadow on the board.
However, in reality, Jules' personality is reflected in other aspects of his life: Jules is a perfectionist.
A person with this type of personality is defined by a high perfectionism and a desire to control situations.
Being a perfectionist does not mean wanting or trying to make things as good as possible. If that were the case, it would be a normal and enviable reaction.
To be a perfectionist is to impose oneself and to demand that everything one undertakes is perfect.
However, as perfection does not exist, the person can spend hours, see days doing an action, that another person would do in much less time.
Perfectionists can also give up or postpone an activity for fear of not doing it perfectly.
Their thirst for perfectionism makes these people are never satisfied with the resultbecause they constantly think they could do better. This causes them a very strong anxiety that makes them suffer and prevents them from benefiting from their successes.
Have said that these people have polarized thoughts,that is, things are either white or black; good or bad.
The perfectionist is so rigid and inflexible that she does not accept either, and as she never finds perfection, despite her successes, she ends up believing in failure.
On the other hand, these people dedicate themselves exclusively to their work. They are not used to taking holidays, even if their boss forces them to do it.
Therefore, their social and couple relationships deteriorate because they do not accept outings or hobbies. Even if they try to go out, they will feel uncomfortable and feel that they are wasting their time.
Relationships with coworkers are also difficult because they are not able to delegate or accept outside helpbecause they believe that no one is capable of doing things as perfectionistically as they are, and that the work will necessarily be poorly done.
We can therefore conclude that the central characteristics of these people are: the need to do things perfectly, as well as the fear and the intense anxiety of failure or to make mistakes.
How to help Jules?
It is obvious that personality disorders are difficult to change. However, good psychotherapy with psychotropic drugs may help these patients.
-It is essential to work on these erroneous beliefs about perfectionism and the need for control.
The goal is for these people to learn and internalize that perfection is an unreal concept that does not exist, and that striving for something that does not exist can only cause anxiety, frustration, suffering, but also aggression.
These people can sometimes become hostile and move away from their surroundings physically and emotionally.
–The person must make mistakes. The error is human !
Making mistakes allows us to learn to evolve in different aspects of life and to see an error as an absolute failure is also an unreal belief. We must help the person to get rid of his reality and become more rational.
–Learning to enjoy one's surroundings and leisure time is also important. These people think that rest and activities other than work are not necessary.
However, everyone needs to rest, disconnect and regain strength and then return with all our energy.
These people also feel physically and morally exhausted. Therefore, it is essential to work on these points so that they understand that there is a time for everything, and that rest and idleness are essential for physical and psychological well-being.
-Dropramatize: what can happen so horrible if in the end you fail?
Reflecting on this can help you realize that you often think of disasters and dramas, where there is no reason to have them.
An anxious person usually imagines a much worse outcome than it will actually happen, causing unnecessary suffering that will make it difficult to solve the problem.
Source of the photo: //amaltiempobuenapsique.com/2012/10/01/combate-el-perfeccionismo/