The art of loving

The art of loving

Love. A word so simple that corresponds to a feeling so complicated, both overflowing and exciting.

Unfortunately, we arrive in this world without instructions. We land in this exotic garden that we call "life", and we walk there without having the necessary knowledge, filled with our fears and other doubts … but with a thirst however sufficient to learn, with a desire to live to love, and also to suffer.

It is curious how this activity, that of loving, is accompanied at first by so many hopes and expectations, in the end, very often, failing.

As rational beings as we are, we should all learn from our new experiences and recognize our mistakes, but also try to identify what we could change in ourselves to be better.

We would thus be able to overcome failure and understand a little better what is and what is implied by what is called "love", a feeling to which we tend to associate so many errors …

Love is an activity, not a passive act or a sudden impulse. It is a continuous state where the verbs "to give" and "to receive" take all their meaning, if we do not confuse "to give" with "to give up" or "to sacrifice".

This is the psychologist Erich Fromm who in his magnificent essay titled The art of loving, introduced for the first time the constitutive elements of the concept of love, which should be taken into account. To discover them, read the rest of this article.

1. The attention

To love is to worry actively for the other. Without sincere and concrete concern, there is no love.

Attention, it is not only this physical well-being that would have for example a mother for her son, no; caring for others is also knowing what their needs are within the couple.

It is therefore a question of enriching him, of enabling him to gain confidence in him, of respecting him, and of being available to listen to him actively …

2. The responsibility

This term does not imply a duty, an obligation, or an external constraint. The responsibility, it is a completely voluntary act to support the needs, expressed or not, of the other. "Nobody forces me to be responsible for you, I do it because I want it and I want your well-being".

But it is a behavior that can sometimes become dangerous and drift towards dominance or possessiveness, because when we feel "responsible", we end up believing, wrongly, that we are "responsible for the other because it belongs to us.

Nothing is less wrong. To be responsible is to respect the other person and to worry about him, while allowing him to grow as a person and to value his individuality.

3. Respect

When we love a person, we must remember that to love is to "take the other as he is without trying to change it". We humans are not objects to be owned or dominated, but people who can bring to others and enrich them through our way of being and our individuality.

Respect is an interaction between two people who give and receive equally. You have to be aware of the fact that to "be in a relationship", you have to have reached your own maturity.

Indeed, one can only hope to respect the other if one has not first reached one's own independence, without feeling the need to protect the other from one's fears or fears, without feeling the need for it. to exploit, or to become a "narcissistic pervert" …

Love, as everyone is aware, is a constant challenge, not a feeling easy to manage or a space where everything would take place in calm and harmony. On the contrary, we must move, grow, understand and work together.

Love is an eternal fair, where harmony and conflict follow each other, joy and sadness,it is an art that enriches us as a person and from which we can learn every day.

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