All emotions are necessary. Each of them brings us valuable information about ourselves. It is therefore important to be attentive to what we feel.Emotionally examining ourselves is an essential task if we want to achieve a balance and savor our well-being.
It is howevernot easy to be attentive and decipher what happens to us, especially when we find ourselves in emotionally difficult situationsand painful. Those in which suffering and fear appear, like monsters who want to swallow us.
In such situations, doubts, stress, fear, expectations and insecurity immobilize us.So we are often trapped in a spiral of malaise and lethargy.What to do when situations become unsustainable? How to act when we feel destroyed and without alternatives? How to deal with these negative emotions that imprison us?
"If changing a situation that hurts you does not depend on you, you can always choose the attitude that will allow you to face this suffering."
The psychiatrist and professor of psychobiology Vicente Simon, after having studied and deepened the wisdom of Buddhist psychology, elaborateda process that can help us in these situations: the 7 levels of emotional balance.A set of exercises designed to relieve suffering, avoid the psychological damage caused by emotional shock and prevent inappropriate actions that could lead to conflict with others. Here they are.
Pause to reach emotional balance
In the face of bad news, an argument or a big disappointment, the first thing to do is to stop.When we notice that an intense and unpleasant emotion arises, we must pause. After that, we must focus our attention on this emotional movement that is growing in us.
At first, it will not be easy. This is completely normal. Stopping a process that has worked with autopilot for years is not easy. It goes against everything that tells us how we do it. In fact, in the majority of cases, emotions drive us to act abruptly and unthinkingly. Instead of continuing and arriving at an emotional explosion, we must stop.Give us time to reflect and evaluate what happens to us.
By doing this, we interrupt the automatism in which we are immersed and we offer ourselves the opportunity to respond in another way.But this requires practice: it is possible that we do not succeed at first.To facilitate this step, we can go to another place that would transmit us more tranquility.
Breathe deeply, calm down
Once we stop, the next step is tofocus our attention on our breathing and the parts of our body through which the emotion is manifested.
If we are too energetic or stressed, the best way to calm down is to breathe deeply.Deep breathing will help us to be tranquil and connect to our "self".The goal is to breathe 10 times in one minute. It is obvious that we will not get there the first time. Especially if we are very agitated. In these cases, we usually breathe 30 times a minute. We just have to train and concentrate.
On the other hand, when we have difficult emotions, it is possible that we know the following things: our heart beats faster, a slight pressure in the chest or even a tension in the belly.In all cases, the essential thing is not to reject these bodily sensations.Emotions often speak to us through our body. We just have to collect them. We can then calm down with our breath to reduce these bodily sensations.
Become aware of the emotion
This step consiststo become familiar with the emotionbut not intellectually. We must consider it as a direct experience, with all that implies. For example, how does it express itself through our body?
Then we canobserve or imagine the situation or situations that triggered this emotion.Is it a determined person? A thought ? Or maybe a memory? It's about detecting the key aspects of this emotion and its origin.
Finally,we must identify the emotion. Give him a name.Is it rage? Sadness ? Of envy? Or maybe fear? Some research indicates that by doing this, we lose some of the strength of the emotion. To give it an identity, we can also ask ourselves several questions.How would this emotion be expressed? What need does it hide? What does she want us to do?
To become aware of emotion means to observe it without judging it in order to really know the emotional experience.Share
Accept the experience, allow the emotion
This step consists ofaccept the emotion without judging it. To let her be as she is,without repressing it or opposing it.
It will not be a nice thing (at first). Indeed, we will let grow an emotion that hurts us. But this is necessary to know it and better manage it. We thus become the spectators of the rejection that the situation arouses in us, of these attempts to escape from it and to defend ourselves. We do not do anything,we simply let the emotion manifest itself and express itself freely.In this way, we give it space and recognize it as a part of us.
Be tender with ourselves
In the midst of this deep process that makes us face what hurts us and sometimes seems to devour us,it is fundamental that we connect with that part of us that is still healthy and upright. This is the part that works through tenderness and affection.We must tell ourselves that this "personal abuse" harms the strength we need so much to reach emotional balance.
To treat ourselves with love may seem difficult.So we can use those people who are always there for usand who do not hesitate to accompany us whenever we need it. They will help us to get away from this uneasiness and anguish we feel.
Release the emotion
The intensity of the emotion will be reduced little by little and that will allow us to get rid of it.We will no longer think that we are this emotion: we will say that we are hosting it for a certain duration.
We can not force his disappearance. The emotion will dissipate little by little through the contact that we will establish with it. So, thinking that we are not this emotion is an essential strategy to limit its power over us.
Act or not according to the circumstances
Once the emotional storm has passed, the last step to achieving emotional balance will bedecide to act or not.If the situation in which we are plunged demands an answer, we will now be in a better position to find it. It will be easier to act with calm and connect our doubts and desires.If an immediate response is not needed, the best thing to do is waitthat emotion loses intensity.
As we see,a difficult emotion can turn into serenity and calm through mindfulness and the passage of time.The Dutch philosopher Spinoza said it very well: "An affection which is a passion, stops being a passion as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea of it".
Being present at the level of one's emotions is the key that opens the door to emotional balance.This practice requires time and skill. However, if we manage to dominate it, it will help us overcome the difficulties and problems of our daily lives, whether with ourselves or with others.