Although it may seem incredible, some ways of loving can rhyme with suffering, and lead away from the virtues of love.
The greatest suffering, of course, is self-infliction in the form of thoughts, fears and other fears invading our hearts, so that they end up having an influence on our daily lives.
That's why, if you do not love yourself and you do not pay attention to yourself, you're less able to protect the people you love, because emotional inefficiency will continue to affect those we love the most.
The emotional base is in us, and caring for it and doing what it takes to know it, is a job that must be done.
When we give our love to others, it is possible that sometimes it goes beyond what we imagine. The different feelings we feel are magnified, and if we do not know how to manage, then we could well miss the love and its benefits.
How can love hurt?
By likening the person we love to our own fears and fears, the love we feel for him can then turn against us. Here are some examples :
– The excessive protection instinct: in many parents, this feeling is born and matured as their children grow up. What is initially only a natural emotion for them, becomes with time a wall where the ideas of their children clash.
The "no" is then their main weapon to fight their fears, and they use it without even knowing what their children can feel. To love in this way necessarily leads to misunderstanding and makes communication between parents and children impossible.
– Inability to put oneself in another's shoes: this concept implies a longer development, since it is one of the most important psychological conceptions that humans can develop. It avoids many unwanted situations.
To love is to understand the other, whether that other is your child, your wife or your husband. It's trying to know the person who loves you, to be interested in what she's doing, and to know who she is.
Nobody is perfect, that is why we must open ourselves to the world, because we like it or not, it will help us to love others and to know them better.
Putting yourself in the other person's shoes gives you a better view of the relationships you have, and of loving others with a healthy love.
Love can hurt when what is given to the other is parasitized by our own fantasies.
The act of loving must be clear and honest, in which case it will lead to suffering, even though the primary function of love is to accompany and support the people we love throughout their lives.