"Whoever learns and learns and does not apply what he knows,
is like the one who plows and plows but does not sow”
The idealization of love is a process used by poets, painters and musicians for several centuries.
From there was created a set of myths that we still hear about today and in which many people still believe, without even taking the time to stop and think about their veracity.
The problem lies in the fact that some people may set too high expectations of love. Thus, no reality can live up to what they hope for.
These people will often be disillusioned with reality and it will be difficult for them to build authentic love relationships with others.
So let's deepen a few more of these few other beliefs and myths about romance and love.
Give everything by love
Love romanticized by romanticism becomes the center of the personal universe. The pinnacle of happiness and the point of arrival or lead all the paths of life ; representing redemption, salvation or the culmination of all desires.
The idea that a person can only be happy if they meet someone and get involved in a relationship is very common.
It is also said that love implies great sacrifices and hardships to maintain a relationship at all costs. The whole being must be engaged in the relationship. There can be no secrets or restrictions.
Reality shows us something else. This absolute dedication, where everything revolves around the couple, is more akin to a kind of neurosis than to true love as such.
The human being has multiple dimensions, which can not all be shared and revealed to his spouse.
There are many situations in life that can bring you moments of happiness. Romantic love is not the only one with this ability.
There are also personal spheres that are considered private. These are the spaces we like to keep for ourselves. They are part of our process of self-knowledge, of our individual exploration, of our life.
And it's not unfair not to share them with his other half. Nor is it selfishness. It is simply a mechanism to preserve one's individuality.
The myth of the possession of the other
This myth is a set of ideas according to which love is an exclusive totality, leaving no room for individuality.
For example, a true love must necessarily lead to a marriage, or, in any case, to a common life in the long term.
This myth also assures that jealousy is an absolutely legitimate passion. There are even some who say that it is an obvious proof of love: if he loves you, he must be jealous.
In return, infidelity is an absolute slaughter, a definitive proof of an absence of love, an insurmountable obstacle, a death threat.
Once again, reality proves to us here that things are not exactly as the romantics claim.
There is no way to guarantee that true love will lead to a stable union which will not break with time.
Love is not a static feeling, and every day we see marriages that hold together when there is no more love, or, on the contrary, broken relationships even if love is always present on both sides.
We also know that infidelity exists, even within very loving couples.
Infidelity does not necessarily reveal a lack of love, but often a great insecurity or personal emptiness that will affect the relationship.
For all these reasons, we can conclude that we would be much happier if we stopped believing in these romantic myths.
This would allow us to better value the reality. If we stop chasing after things that do not exist, we could take full advantage of what we can really expect from love.
Photo courtesy of Elena Dijour.