Biblical legends tell the story of two prostitutes fighting for a child, as both claimed to be the mother of the child.
The two women then presented themselves to King Solomon to slice. He decided to cut the child in two so that each woman had an equal share. The story ends with the tears of the true mother, to whom her son has been made whole.
This story is still relevant today. Indeed, when a couple separates, the child is divided and shared between two loved ones; he is suffering from Solomon's syndrome.(” El Solrome of Salomón "by Maria Barbero de Granda and María Bilbao Maté, 2008).
What is Solomon's syndrome?
Although the separation of his parents is more or less shocking in itself, the period of adaptation to a new way of life is characterized by many emotional changes and strong contradictory feelings for those children who see their family structure collapse.
Paying attention to these symptoms is essential to avoid excessive psychological damage.
Separation: emotions and feelings of children
Logically, Solomon's syndrome is more or less strong depending on age.
Communication will always be the solution. There are certain feelings that must not be overlooked, such as sadness, abandonment or guilt, which are feelings your child needs to express and to whom particular attention should be paid. The child will have to exteriorize feelings of rejection, anxiety, confusion or division.
In the head of a young child, the separation of his parents is just physical, and especially temporary. Moreover, his reasoning leads him to believe that he is responsible for this breakup.
Growing up and coming back into adolescencehis intellectual and emotional development allows him to better understand the reasons and the repercussions. Adolescents, however, still have the need to find a culprit in this situation: this time their own parents or external elements.
In any case, it is not only age that acts on the feeling of separation. The change of life that occurs, the reactions of parents and friends, and the character of the child are also factors to consider.
Talk about this separation with your child
Solomon's syndrome is inevitable. However, he will more or less strong depending on the mode of action of parents. Indeed, the communication will necessarily help to cure this syndrome.
There is no perfect time to talk about it. Children may show incredible emotional receptivity and may not perceive the discomfort parents feel.
However, this does not mean that they clearly understand that this is a definitive break. So you have toexplain clearly what it means.
The first thing important is that the child understand this separation. It is not a question of talking about reproaches or arguments, but of explaining that the parents are no longer happy together and that they have decided to stop their relationship. It is necessary to specify that nobody is responsible and that it will be "forever".
The second stepis of pay attention to the child's feelings and behaviors, and call on a child psychiatrist in case of confusion or guilt too strong.
The third thing to do is to get to find the right balance between the rules established in each household (which the child will have to respect) and set up different rituals of those he knew before, since the situation is no longer the same.
In conclusion, a separation is always a painful moment to live, but each difficult situation leads to an inevitable adaptation.
It is on the way back to normality that we must guide the child, so that the symptoms of Solomon's syndrome fade as quickly as possible.
Photo courtesy of For Timbras