Reflecting on the consequences of shouting on our children can help us control and manage our impulses. Analyze the origin of these cries and their consequences on the family circleis essential to change this behavior once and for all.
We all know the importance of respectful education.In addition, there are a multitude of resources and tools for not using screams or punishments. Yet, despite this, we can sometimes feel overwhelmed and have the reflex to shout on our children. These situations make us feel guilty or frustrated. And make us think that we are bad parents.
However, some parentsdo not realize the negative consequences that derive from this type of behavior.We will therefore, in this article, tell you about the two most dangerous consequences for the development of their adult life. Here they are.
"The reason is not stronger when you shout."
1. Shouting on our children can affect their self-esteem
Cries convey a message of lack of patience and tolerance.When we are desperate for something, we tend to raise our voices and demand things by shouting. But shouting at our children can tell them this: they are doing things wrong. This leads them to believe that they are not up to our expectations when we want them to obey.
When the situation is constant, children are sent a bad idea. They may come to believe that no matter what they do, it will never be good enough. That we will never be satisfied. That they will not be able to do anything to make us happy. The idea that they do not do things well and that they deserve these crieswill probably accompany them for the rest of their lives.
The foundations of our children's self-esteem come from the outside. Their reference figures, with love and approval, must make them feel that they are capable of everything. That does not mean that we have to give them false confidence. It is sometimes necessary that they be frustrated. However,it is important that the expectations we place in them are in keeping with their age and knowledge.And most importantly, we must realize that our children are not perfect.
"All men who have nothing important to say speak shouting."
-Enrique Jardiel Poncela-
2. Be understanding with our children
It is customary, for example, to shout on our children in the morning when we are in a hurry. Gold,children can not do everything as fast as we do.Their speed will depend on their age and degree of autonomy; we may have to give them a hand to get to school on time.
If we leave them little time or ask something beyond their level of skill, it is normal that they fail to fulfill their tasks. We end up screaming, giving them the impression that they are unable to do things right.In these situations, children receive the following message: we do not like them because they are not good at it.
We must remember thatour mission is to help them until they become more autonomous.By doing this, we develop real trust in themselves. Over time, this can lead to them acting in the right way: respecting their parents, collaborating at home, tidying up their room. And they will not do it because they are afraid. Their actions will be born of an understanding of their role. They will know that they are capable of doing things on their own.
"When we are debating a thing, reason does not belong to the one who shouts the most but to the one who is able to advance his arguments adequately."
3. Shouting teaches them to treat their emotions wrongly
We must be an example for our children. When we scream and constantly lose our patience, it means that certain situations go beyond us. The message we convey to them, in this case, is that we are unable to control ourselves. Little ones learn that screaming is an appropriate response to stress.They absorb this way of actingand will probably imitate it in the future.
"How can a life begin amid the cries of the mother who gave it and the tears of the child who received it?"
It is therefore our responsibilityto learn to manage our emotions.Even if we are afraid, if we are tired or angry, we must control ourselves in front of our children. Shouting because of the stress we feel shows them that anger is a sufficient motivation to mishandle others.
The fact that we are anxious each time they go forward should not make them feel guilty.Even if it is difficult, we must push them to explore and discover who they really are. Our role is to accompany them in their adventures by managing our anguish. We must ourselves discover where our negative emotions come from.
We may need them to act as we would like, and not as they would themselves. The mere idea that they are hurting themselves or that they are suffering scares us, it's true. ButShouting about our children to protect them or to guide their actions is often not a good idea.It is more effective to trust things and to think that they are able to take care of themselves.
You have just discovered, in this article, two of the most negative effects of cries on our children. Because of the damage that can cause this behavior,parents must learn to control their emotions.They can also learn more effective ways to solve problems and conflicts.
Still, if you have ever shouted at your children, do not self-punish yourself. Nobody is perfect.The bottom line is that you decide to change, now that you know the harmful consequences that may result from this behavior.