Sexual anxiety, when intimacy scares

Sexual anxiety, when intimacy scares

We are supposed to be at a time when freedom and the destruction of taboos outweighin matters of sexuality. And we say "we are supposed" because it is different in the moment of truth. This is not at least true for a large group of people who ultimately fail to enjoy intimacy. Some because of sexual anxiety.

So when we talk about sexual anxiety, we refer toa set of emotions and feelings unpleasant people who have a common storyline: sex. They understand fear, tension, rejection and, finally, dysfunctions. The reasons for this can be many, but the effects are still very difficult to bear.

” Eroticism is one of the bases of self-knowledge, as indispensable as poetry.” 
-Anaïs Nin-

Sex enriches life. It offers very significant emotional and physical benefits. They range from strengthening the circulatory and immune system to the fight against stress and daily tension. It has been said to be a natural painkiller and has wonderful potential for improving our self-esteem.

However, when sexual anxiety is present, individuals have difficulty perceiving these benefits in sex. Thus, once the negative dynamic is established, any situation of physical intimacy causes anxiety and nervousness. There is no pleasure, but fear. There is no contribution, but a feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction.

What is the origin of sexual anxiety?

Sexual anxiety can come from different sources. Occasionally, she may be born from a traumatic experience of abuse. Sexual abuse is more common than we might think, especially since many cases are silenced. On the other hand, we are talking about a taboo subject that, historically, tended to be hidden to the extent that no one, in the setting in which they occurred, was ready to denounce the case.

Otherwise,when the experience occurs at a very young age, it is usual for the person to have very few emotional resources to deal with emotions. It is therefore possible that the experience will eventually leave a deeper mark and undesirable effects that will be more difficult to eliminate or mitigate in the future.

The situation is sometimes not so extreme.Sexual anxiety sometimes comes from other sources. In almost all cases, the common element is repression. This corresponds to the following cases:

  • A restrictive education that condemns sex. There are many ideological and religious approaches that condemn sexual practices. They refer to sex with epithets that place sex at the level of what is despicable, dirty or immoral. Whoever has been educated in such a setting must work hard to discover the beautiful and pleasing facets of sexuality.
  • The lack of information. Sometimes, inhibition and sexual anxiety come from the poverty of information about sex. This is an unknown world that we access with a sense of prevention
  • Fear of failure. Lack of experience and, therefore, knowledge, reveal the fear of not providing adequate performance. The truth is that each of us has a particular definition of "adequate performance", and the bar of it can be well above common standards. This leads to sexual anxiety.

Other factors can have an impact, such as depression, lack of self-esteem or difficulty in accepting one's own body.It is also common for anxiety to increase when there are conflicts to resolve or when trust has been broken.

What to deal with sexual anxiety?

In many cases, sexual anxiety eventually gives way to sexual dysfunction : decreased desire, difficulty feeling excitement, problems with premature ejaculation or pain during intercourse. All this, unless an adequate intervention, impoverishes the sexual life and ends up deteriorating the relationship of the couple.

 The main measures to be taken in Sexual anxiety cases are as follows:

  • Refine the emotional relationship with the spouse. Nothing is more liberating than increasing confidence in the couple. Create the conditions so that we can talk about the subject in all sincerity, with the aim of finding common solutions.
  • Better inform yourself. It is very important to know your own body well. In this case, to know the anatomy of our sexual organs and their functioning.Also understand what happens during a sexual relationship, in physical and psychological terms. Reading or learning more about the topic helps to reduce fears.
  • Enrich eroticism. Sexuality is much more than sex. This is why it is necessary to give due importance to everything that promotes eroticism and the physical approach. This includes caresses, kisses, massages and all the signs of affection that appear in the couple.
  • Discover what relaxes us. Each person is a world and there are no other rules in sexuality than those accepted by the couple itself. In this sense, it is very useful to discover the circumstances in which sexuality is the most reassuring. For example, the level of light with which both feel comfortable, the moment, the place, etc.

Finally, note that sexual anxiety presents different levels. Some require professional help, others only a change of circumstances to alleviate the problem. In one way or another, if we are in a situation where we do not know how to find a solution, it is best to consult a specialist. First of all a doctor treating, so that it discards any organic problem or any side effect of certain drugs.

If these two hypotheses are rejected by the attending physician, then it is advisable to consult a psychologist. If anxiety is the cause of the dysfunction, the professional will develop a plan of intervention adapted to our needs and will help us by the same to abandon this difficulty.

What is "normal sex"?

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