It is said that certain circumstances of life change you forever.You lose some of your identity when someone uses your body and strips you of your privacy. That's what happened to Roxane Gay. She began to hate herself and her body as food was her refuge from the pain of rape.
Roxane Gay's life changed completely at the age of 12 when she was a victim of gang rape.The one who was his boyfriend took her to a forest and raped her several times with her group of friends. Dead with fear, feeling guilt for trusting the person she loved blindly, she began to hate herself and be disgusted with her own body.
"In my story of violence, there was a boy, I loved him, his name was Christopher, he was not really called that, but I do not need to tell you his real name. and many of her friends raped me in the woods, in an abandoned hunting hut, where no one except these boys could hear my cries. "-Roxane Gay-
Roxane Gay and food as a defense against rape
This hatred and fear of being raped again led him to use food to heal the wounds of his soul.She chooses to eat to cancel herself from the world. Food became his defense and his way out of suffering.
Roxane knew that women were raped simply because they are women.She knew that practically nothing could be opposed to avoid falling prey to an animal or animals who think they are the owners of our body. She could not do anything except be physically so repulsive that no man would notice her or touch her again.
"I knew I would not bear another rape so I ate because I thought that if my body became repulsive, I could move the men away, that I would be more despicable, and I already knew their contempt too well."-Roxane Gay-
Her idea, this idea that we teach women from an early age, is that we should not occupy space. In our society,Women must be thin and beautiful to be visually pleasing, especially to men.Let's not forget that television, magazines and everything else we eat send us the message that being thin is a social value that will allow us to be accepted and to be loved more.
This led him to reach 261 kilos. She had to undergo gastric bypass surgery to stay alive.Her body became a prison in which she locked up the hatred she felt for herself. The silence she maintained after the rape was the beginning of this self-destructive spiral that would subject her to the grip of food compulsion.
Learn to love our body beyond what society says
Roxane Gay is now an important writer, columnist, university professor and American feminist.He learned to value his body as it is. She now knows how to love herself beyond what society or the media say about her body.
"I managed to admit that I like myself, despite the hassle of assuming I should."-Roxane Gay-
In his book,Hunger, Memoir of (My) Body she breaks the silence and encourages other women to do the same.Roxane teaches us how she managed to stop hating herself by learning that what had happened was not her fault. She learned to love herself as she is. Food no longer dominates his life. Today she is the one who directs her without allowing her past to be the one who sets the tone.
Roxane Gay is a "survivor". She does not consider herself a victim. She does not seek pity when she tells her truth, her experience and her relationship with the body does not seek pity. Roxane tends to break the silence we impose when we are raped. It teaches us to love ourselves beyond our appearance.It teaches us that we are the ones who decide how to live our lives, even though a lot has happened.That we are not guilty or responsible for rape and that hatred of ourselves is never an adequate solution.