The syndrome of the human magnet is a concept invented by the psychologist and therapist Ross Rosenberg.It's also the name of a book that has exploded all sales records. This theory revolves around a reality discovered by Rossenberg: we are extremely attracted by people who, sooner or later, will make us suffer.
According to this thesis, what we call an "alchemy" between two people is none other than the expression of this dysfunctional attraction that sometimes takes place.Two impulses create this alchemy: the drive of love and the impulse of war. To put it another way, we are attracted to people with whom we will probably come into conflict.
This would explain why, very often, people do not pay attention to those who have great qualities and offer stability or tenderness.The less balanced people are often more successful in the world of love attraction. The syndrome of the human magnet explains why.
"It can be said that for the" dance of co-dependency "to occur, the participation of two people is necessary: the narcissist who takes control and the co-dependent who follows the one leading the dance."
The syndrome of the human magnet in action
The victims of the human magnet syndrome know it. When this syndrome occurs,a very powerful attraction bursts. A feeling of having met a special person, to have a particular connection.There is also a very strong desire to caress this person or, in any case, to come in physical contact with her.
People get carried away by this attraction and begina relationship that, in general, is very intense.Everyone has the impression that the other is "the love of his life". Someone who completes it and makes it happy.
However, very quickly (or too much), conflicts begin. Whether it's out of jealousy, because we do not think the same way, because we're too possessive … The same person who made us immensely happy-then begins to be a cause for suffering. Both members are causing mutual injuryand a real war breaks out. Nevertheless, everyone has trouble moving away from each other.
Narcissism and co-dependence
According to Rosenberg, the syndrome of the human magnet usually takes place between two types of people: co-dependent and narcissistic.But it also specifies that any relationship creates a certain co-dependence in the couple. The problem appears when it dominates and constitutes a real drama for the one who lives it.
Co-dependence causes one of the two members to give themselves over to the other. Without limits. He tries to give the best of himself, without any filter.The other, who would be the narcissist, is happy to receive this "gift". It corresponds to demonstrations of affection, attention, care … Until then, everything seems harmonious and perfect.
However, very quickly, the narcissist will want more. Even if the other person gives himself up completely, he will feel that something is missing.Gradually, what he receives no longer gives him satisfaction and he asks for more. Always more.
The co-dependent, for his part, has the impression of not counting. He will feel that the other may not need him anymore.This will fill him with insecurities and he will always try to do more, even if he will also complain about the indifference of the other.
Those who experience this syndrome of the human magnet will create relationships that, over time, will become painful and asphyxiating. However,the attraction is always there and sometimes even stronger, despite all the harm that the members inflict.
For whatever reason, the co-dependent wants to continue being controlled. And the narcissist desperately needs his "worshiper". That's why both of them refuse to put an end to a relationship that basically hurts them. Because it perpetuates their imbalance.
The mechanism is similar to that which occurs in the case of an addiction. At first, the sensation provides a lot of pleasure. An intense euphoria takes place. Some call it "happiness". Even if, with time, this pleasant sensation ends up disappearing and give way to great suffering, people do not resign themselves to giving up the initial pleasure. One way or another, they continue to search for that feeling, compulsively.
The co-dependent and the narcissist are, from a psychological point of view, totally opposed. And that's why theybecome complementary.We often hear them say that the other is their "soul mate" and this is the case. Even if it is from a pathological point of view.
The syndrome of the human magnet shows us why "we love" those who make us suffer.It also reveals that this is more related to individual pathologies that strengthen as a couple than true love.