Many psychological games established our relationships are the result of our plan of life. An emotional and behavioral schema that we develop in our childhood under the influence of our parents and who then accompanies us for several years.
The plan of life and the psychological games in the couples are superimposed phenomena.These are the psychological games that determine how we will use our time in relationshipsand end up giving shape to the couple's plan.
The plan of life
This notion was invented by the psychiatrist Eric Berne, founder of the Transactional School. It refers to the role we interpret in our relationship with others. As if we were playing in a play.We develop this role because we have been given it. He ends up transforming himself into a mask of which we are not aware. Very often, this plan of life is reinforced by experience.
It acts as a trace that remains anchored in us from a very young age.She will direct our lives unless we realize and work to change it.
"People are born princes and princesses, until their parents transform them into toads".
The plan of life is established from two elements:
- Mandates or "curses".These are the prohibitions or inhibitions imposed on the child. They refer to the negation of an activity and are projections of parents' fears and desires.
- Attributions: these are the "labels"that we all wear on us and stuck to us as children. They are also the fruit of the projections of our reference figures. These attributions shape us from the beginning of our lives. They limit the child: "you are like your father" or "you are mean, clumsy …", "we can not trust you".
Couple shots: psychological games
In adulthood, and as we relate to others,the plan of life gives way to the plan of couple.The latter is defined by the psychological games that the couple uses to maintain their relationship, based on the plan of life of each.
Psychological games determine how to live the relationship.They fill the life of the couple. Indeed, it is with these games that the two people occupy the time they spend together.It is a very destructive form of exchange. We find, in these psychological games, the plans of submission, domination and isolation.
One member of the couple is the victim and requires the other to protect him.If he does not receive or perceive the protection and attention he needs, that is, if the manipulation does not work, the rage attacks appear and the plan of persecution and guilt begins.
This variant of the submission plan usually lasts a short time as it endangers the relationship. The role of victim is quickly resumed. The cycle continues, in an escalation, giving way to an increasing aggressiveness.
Plan of domination
In couples where psychological games of domination take place,there is a domineering and a chaser.It is a plan based on the exercise of power. The goal is to impose one's values, criteria and opinions. This member of the couple needs to demonstrate that he is the one who brings and not the other.
When the dominator loses,insecurity appears quickly.He will be hostile to the point of remembering this defeat and keeping it for revenge. This psychological game ends up exhausting the relationship.
These couplesplay psychologically to keep themselves away from emotional commitments.They use indifference and coldness until one of the members needs to get closer. This often leads to passionate sexual sex, then fall back into a distance built from any excuse (an argument, a job …). This relationship is a back-and-forth relationship.
To conclude, changing these plans of life and ending the psychological games in the couple is a process that goes through their recognition and the desire to change them. What would happen otherwise?Psychological games will often lead to the breakup of the couple.