We all need to be able to count on a supportive entourage.The human being goes through times in which he feels fragile and understands that he needs to be protected.It is a fundamental necessity that is present from our birth until our death.
The desire and the need to be protected do not always have the same intensity.Of course, they become stronger when we are in a state of obvious vulnerability. When we get sick or when we go to an unknown place, for example. In short, when we face a situation that involves a risk.
The basic need to be protected also increases when our emotional state is fragile, even if there is no external risk.In moments of insecurity, despair or anguish, the need to be able to count on people and know the circumstances that allow us to feel safe increases. In the end, we all know it. But do we sow and consolidate these presences and protective ties in our lives?
"The true measure of justice of a system is the amount of protection it guarantees to the weakest."
-Aung San Suu Kyi-
The genesis of the feeling of protection
In reality, there is a difference between being protected and feeling protected. Sometimes these two realities go hand in hand. Other times, no.Feeling protected means having the subjective certainty of being supported in order to get out of situations where our own strength is not enough. Being protected refers to something more concrete: the activation of these supports.
Feeling protected is a very comforting feeling. He is born during the first years of our lifeand depends largely on our mother. It is during this stage that we are given this seal of protection.
The presence of the mother or a reference figure who looks after us gives us a sense of omnipotence in this first step. As if nothing could happen to us. Of course, anything can happen to us, but we do not feel that way. The opposite is happening too.If this mother is absent, the whole universe seems to threaten us.This feeling, or at least part of it, remains etched in the way we relate to others and the world as we grow up.
When a being grows up with the feeling of being protected, he learns to believe in himself and to trust others.He is therefore able to easily establish links of proximity and affection with others. On the other hand, if he carries a mark of lack of protection, it will be difficult for him to overcome his fear of affectively bonding himself to others.
The lack of protection mark also complicates one thing: finding a balance in how to protect others.Or we find a certain negligence in this care that we can lavish on others, or it is excessive jealousy that appears.
This can push us to build a carapace in front of the world. This would be a way of replacing the protection we have not received.We are looking for places that are not threatening and we take refuge, refusing to leave. A job, an addiction, a relationship … All that can prevent us from feeling this feeling of being in danger. However, the price to pay is very high.
Routines and protective relationships
If we carry within us that feeling of not being sufficiently protected, that does not mean that there is nothing more to do. On the contrary: we can do a lot of things.First, be aware that we have this void in us and that it makes us more vulnerable to fear, insecurity and withdrawal.It takes courage not to be consumed by these feelings but it is possible to get there.
It is important to recognize the importance of creating protective bonds with others. To give what we do not have.Sometimes you learn when you have to teach. The same thing happens with that feeling of being protected. If you learn to protect other people, your emptiness will probably be reduced. And you can reach a reciprocity with others.
It is therefore necessary to create routines, forms of life that allow you to remove this feeling of exclusionwhich accompanies those who have not been sufficiently protected. Being part of a stable group also becomes a way to increase your sense of trust in the world.
Building a fortress around you and isolating yourself is not a good idea.You will not feel safer and will not experience this feeling of protection. On the contrary. Your fears and precautions will grow.Even if you are scared, you have to open that door and let the sun come in.