Attachment is understood as a bond, a strong emotional bond that determines the development of the personality, the way we relate to others, everything around us and even the way we see life. However, there is a disadvantage to attachment, and it is that nothing is ours.
Some form of attachment is needed. It is for example the one who needs a stable figure in the first years of life for a correct cognitive and emotional development later. On the contrary, precarious attachment is an attachment that fills us with anxiety and fear in the face of the object or the person for whom we feel it. In fact, all relationships have some attachment component, although not all types are healthy.
Some of our relationships can cause us anxiety about losing them. To avoid it, we must remember that all that life has given us is only a loan. Appreciation is the first step towards a secure attachment to the people around us. The same goes for work, vacations and any current situation.
"Be grateful to all your being for all that life has to offer, after all, that's what you've raised."Share
Nothing is yours: life lends it to you
Having relationships in which we feel safe is not a gift, but an art that requires will and practice. When a relationship is maintained only by habit, and there are no other reasons that give it meaning and transcendence, we would be confronted with an insecure attachment. The ideal for our mental hygiene would be to put an end to this situation.
If we do not learn to let go, if we do not, the consequences will be very negative. If attachment can transcend us and we remain attached to our dreams, our fantasies and our illusions, suffering will grow steadily and our sadness will be our companion. Buddha, in one of his famous quotes, pointed out that the origin of suffering is precisely attachment.
Nothing is completely up to you, life gives it to you, it gives it to you so that you can learn to enjoy it and also to say goodbye.Share
However, all attachments are not bad, there are some that are necessary and useful. A sure attachment is based on knowing how to take advantage of what we have right now, without having to stay on our side to feel good. If we look at what makes us suffer with new simplicity, we will understand that it is not this object that makes us suffer, but the way we stick to it.
Our problem with attachment is that we perceive things as permanent entities. In pursuit of our goals, we use aggression and competition as supposedly effective tools, and we destroy ourselves more and more in the process. Therefore, to avoid this, it is necessary for you to understand that nothing is permanent, but that life gives it to you.
"People are as beautiful as sunsets, if they are allowed to be in. In fact, the reason we really enjoy a sunset is maybe because we can not control. "
Dependence on independence
Our cultural context invites us to live according to other people : parents, children, romantic partners …. From a very young age, we have been taught the idea of romantic love, in which couples can not and must not live apart from each other. However, reliance on romantic relationships is very harmful, which makes us totally emotionally incapable.
Dependency, like any other building, is neither good nor bad in itself. To a certain extent, she is always present in our lives. It is something that we should all admit to the world and to ourselves, because it would lead us to recognize and acquire healthier ways of connecting with others.
Today, we tend to view addiction with some contempt as a sign of weakness. But if we stop a few minutes to think, almost every aspect of our lives is the result of the efforts of others. Our precious and magnificent independence can be more an illusion or a fantasy than a tangible fact. To enjoy a happy life, we need friends, good health and material possessions; oddly enough, areas in which we depend on others.
Our need of others is paradoxical.While in our culture we exalt the fiercest independence, we also yearn for intimacy and connection with a special and beloved person. The secret, then, is to love but not to need, so remember: nothing is yours, life is lending you, start enjoying what you have.
"In our crazy attempts, we give up who we are for who we are."