Who has never experienced the traumatic experience of losing a loved one? This loss can be more or less radical, because it may be a separation with a friend, a child who has to leave home, a divorce or even death.
Even if all these experiences are painful and affect us, since they often happen when we do not expect it, they represent real challenges that can allow us, if we raise them, to flourish.
When the world crumbles around us
One attaches oneself inevitably to the others, and this for several reasons, the most important of them being the affection. The people we love, by being with us, provide for many of our needs, making our lives easier and more enjoyable.
When you lose a loved one, we suddenly find ourselves without any reference points ; the equilibrium of our life collapses, and we then pass through a period that is certainly difficult and painful, yet necessary, called mourning.
We must therefore leave space for mourning, not repress it, because we like it or not, vulnerability is part of human nature.
Grieving gives rise to a multitude of physical, psychological, mental and social symptoms such as insomnia, lack of energy, colds or other opportunistic diseases involved in the fall of the immune system, irritability, lack of appetite, loss or weight gain, apathy, problems memory or concentration, anxiety, substance abuse such as alcohol, tobacco or drugs, sadness, anger, despair, guilt, social isolation, lack of work efficiency , depression or suicide, among others.
The list is long and the worst is that it is not exhaustive, and could be much longer. But it is necessary to show the gravity of the thing to understand thatyou need to be more patient and caring for yourself in these difficult times.
Patiencebecause if there is one thing to remember, it is that grief is a normal and necessary process that allows us to reflect on what happened and to accept it in order to go from before.
Compassionatebecause the loss of a loved one is something special, so it is normal that it affects us deeply and that we need time to accept.
However, just as each person is unique, each mourning is different. But in a general way, the mourning following the loss of a very dear being takes one or two years to be done.
Overcoming the illusion
Although everyone knows that grief is a normal process, on the other hand, it should not prevent us from moving forward. It is therefore necessary to put his own and adopt a proactive attitude in order to "get out of the hole".
There are strategies to "see the light at the end of the tunnel", such as asking for help and support from family and friends, consulting a psychologist, attending support groups , to apply relaxation, meditation, breathing and prayer techniques (if the griever is a believer), or to play sports.
But, beyond all that, there is one essential thing to consider when you want to mourn, is to be aware of what you think of the loss of a loved one.
A widespread belief, which only makes the path of mourning longer, is to have a feeling of emptiness, to think that this person left with a part of oneself, that one needs her to be well and to survive. We focus on this particular person, which makes his absence much more devastating.
But this belief is only an illusion, because in life, everything is temporary and temporary. True happiness is not found anywhere but in ourselves.
Thereby, the loss of a loved one can finally help us, because when we face the mourning, we also value this inestimable treasure that we contain in ourselves. In other words, we learn (although at our expense), that we can very well value ourselves and that despite everything, we will succeed in advancing …
This beautiful and essential truth, if we succeed in understanding it and integrating it in all its depth, will enable us to overcome any type of loss.
This idea, Anthony De Mello expressed it very well: "The things you are looking for just like the ones you fled are in you".