What does love look like in smart people? Science, which has always been interested in this subject, has shown us that, generally, being smart does not increase the probability of finding a partner. These people are more analytical, independent, demanding … But when they find someone who will meet their expectations, the link they can create with it will be really strong and fulfilling.
For those who are looking for a book about this subject, we advise you The Tao of Dating Alex Benzer, professor of philosophy at Harvard.
In this book, we are told from an ironic point of view why smart people generally have shorter relationships. As the author himself tells us, all that glitters is not gold, andto be brilliant from an intellectual point of view does not necessarily translate into success.
Smart people are easily bored, and sometimes they even annoy others with their specific interests and singular passions. They are head-up, procrastinating, difficult to understand, highly demanding (and self-demanding)they easily wander, suffer constant existential crises and, as if all this were not enough, have an emotional thermometer that oscillates between the most acute sensitivity and the most explosive mood.
They are not easy to live with, so there is no doubt about it. However, QI aside, we also present our particularities, our flaws and our faults. In love, all is not harmony and love at first sight. We know it. However, from a scientific point of view, what intelligent people in love have in common has traditionally been the subject of special attention.
Thus, we have different studies on love in intelligent people. Let's see this later in this article.
- 1 Love among smart people: what does it look like?
- 2 Smart people are looking for partners with whom they can see the world in another way
- 3 Intelligent people and insecure attachment
- 4 When intellect combines with emotional intelligence: success in relationships
- 5 Smart people often lack confidence in themselves
Love among smart people: what does it look like?
Most recognize that it is very difficult to be intellectually brilliant and at the same time to enjoy happy, stable and fulfilling affective relationships.
Indeed, it is not easy at all to find a person with the same intellectual potential, the same passions and the same cognitive singularities. However, sometimes we let ourselves be carried away by stereotypes and assumptions without taking the time to ask ourselves more questions, without consulting science.
First of all, there are people with high IQ who flourish in their relationships. Even more, there are some who do not need a partner with an exceptional spirit to fall in love and build a solid relationship.
The emotional connection is enough for them. In many cases, in order for love to be born, it is enough to count on someone who can enrich points of view and who, in one way or another, stimulates development. To understand what love looks like in smart people, we can rely on a work done by the Dutch psychologist Pieternel Dijkstra and his team of researchers in 2017.
Smart people are looking for partners with whom they can see the world in another way
Profiles with a high IQ have a well-defined worldview. Their ideals, their philosophy and their taste for the transcendental are sometimes very high, hence the fact that they do not tolerate certain approaches, some banal comments or ignorance of certain areas of knowledge and knowledge. They like the people involved, the personalities with whom they can wander for common interests, for similar purposes.
It is not so difficult to find people who, while not necessarily very intelligent, are brilliant about their ideals and their sensitivity. Hence the fact that sometimes it is usual for people with this type of profile to remain frustrated in emotional and amorous matters. So many disappointments and failed attempts lead them to prefer their loneliness and independence. Their desire would be to find a partner with whom to have deeper and transcendental affinities, those who go beyond the intellect.
Intelligent people and insecure attachment
Professor Pieternel Dijkstra has discovered in this study something very interesting; among all the people with high IQ that he has questioned and analyzed over the years, a good part has an insecure attachment. What does it mean, and what is the emotional implication?
- They are people who, sometimes, are close and affectionate and who later show a certain emotional coldness.
- They also present a great insecurity in their relations: they fear in the background to be abandoned or betrayed, hence the fact that sometimes they are obsessed with certain nuances and that they analyze each gesture, intonation, contradiction, etc.
- They fear abandonment, but at the same time, when the other needs them, they can reject it or distance themselves; an aspect undoubtedly complex that presents a part (not the totality) of the persons having high intellectual capacities.
When intellect combines with emotional intelligence: success in relationships
We reported it at the beginning of this article, love in smart people can sometimes be as fulfilling as it is stable. This happens in people who combine high intellectual potential with good emotional intelligence. Thus, we can add another condition: to find a person with the same perspectives, with these affinities with which to harmonize lives and projects.
In such cases, love is not enough; we are looking above all for this correspondence in goals, personal philosophies, goals, values, an implication with which to allow oneself to mature together in a common aspiration. When this happens, the couple works very well and manages to manage conflicts and disagreements. Both members manage respect, communication, and enjoy a high sense of humor.
As we can see,love is not impossible in these profiles with high capacities Intelligent people are not condemned to unhappy and ephemeral relationships. There is always a good person, the right person, someone close to enrich their intellect and their heart.