Some people think it's easier to give up than to be abandoned. This is not true.There are circumstances in which it becomes almost impossible to end one's relationship. Even when one has fallen in love with a third person.These are cases where guilt, sense of duty, or emotional debts, real or imagined, prevent progress.
The possibility of ending one's relationship sometimes turns into a crossroads. We do not find the exit.We may be aware that love has ended, but even then, a series of factors prevent us from making a firm decision and breaking up.
This situation does not bring anything positive.If we do not realize it in time and if the right measures are not taken, there may be a lot of confusion.It will then affect everyone involved and prevent the situation from ending in a healthy way.
"You have to learn how to get out of the table when love is no longer on the menu."
Factors that prevent breaking
Guilt is the main reason why people have trouble breaking up even while being in love with another person.This feeling is born because we do not want to hurt a person who has brought us a lot. We are aware that the break will hurt her tremendously and we do not want to have to carry that weight.
Another frequent reason is doubt. It makes us feel paralyzed when making a decision. In this case, we are afraid of what can happen in the future. We do not know if, even if love has disappeared, it is better to stay with what you know or take risks and go to the unknown.Insecurity dominates us. "What if everything goes wrong and if I want to come back and can not do it anymore?"
It is also possible that we delegate to the third person the resolution of the problem.We hope then that this person with whom there is already a love link, formal or not, is the one who is in charge of putting pressure, to insist or to "do something" so that we can end our relationship. In short, we want to avoid being responsible for this decision.
Do not break in time …
The most problematic when we do not make the decision to end our relationship is that it leads to unclear and negative situations.Very often, a series of unconscious actions begin to take place. These then do much more harm than a truth stated in time.
The main paths taken by this repressed decision are:
- Psychological violence.Without being aware of it, a person may blame his spouse for existing and not allow him to be with that other person who is interested. Everything that this companion will do or say will be qualified as bad. Criticism of his behavior will increase and weariness will appear.
- The lie and the deception.Guilt, indecision or fear can also lead to a lot of lies. One lies to one's spouse and one lies to one's new love. Why ? To not end the torque abruptly. And not to lose the third person. This is an immature way of repelling the inevitable.
- Passive-aggressive strategies.These include unclear attitudes such as emotional distance or indirect charges to the spouse. It is uncomfortable, but it is not clearly expressed. We only hide the real conflict.
- Leave compromising tracks.This consists of "making sure we discover everything". Leave traces of the existence of the third person and the interest that is brought to him for the spouse to find them and put an end to the relationship.
The consequences of this lack of maturity
When we do not end the relationship in time, the situation becomes painful for everyone.The current spouse, of course, feels or senses this break that floats in the air. He will try to understand things better. But if the other does not say anything to him, he will feel only anxiety, doubts and malaise.
In these conditions, this companion will not know what is happening and will have no elements to make a decision. This will lead to dull suffering, illusions without basics or unnecessary expectations.We do a lot more harm with this type of psychological games than by expressing once and for all what happens.
The third person involved is also affected.She does not know if she has to wait for the other to solve the situation or not to continue the liaison.She may also feel insecure and mistrustful, which is not the best basis for starting a new relationship.
For all these reasons, not putting an end to one's relationship in time is simply a mark of egoism and indifference.We only want to avoid our own malaise and no matter how much it hurts others. In the end, we can come out bruised from such a situation. Fears, indecisions and lack of commitment assume a great price to pay.