Living with borderline personality disorder

Living with borderline personality disorder

The trouble borderline personality or TPL is one of the personality disorders that contributes the most to make difficult the daily life of the one who suffers from it as well as that of his family. It is an uncommon psychological disorder as it is detected in about 2% of the population and is usually diagnosed from 20-25 years of age. However, the symptoms of BPD exist from the development of the personality that is to say around 12-13 years.

Although this disorder is uncommon, it has been studied in depth because of the difficulties and daily problems it involves when one has to live with it. As it is a disorder characterized by impulsivity, a great fear of abandonment and a lack of emotional regulation, we can understand that this is a problem that brings together many different disadvantages when living a "normal" life.

For all these reasons, In this article we wish to illustrate life with borderline personality disorder and what can be done when the disorder is present. The points developed in this article are based on different testimonials from people with BPD and are associated with advice from the handbook of Dr. Marsha M.Linehan, world expert in this disorder.

Impulsivity issues

In the first place, the victim of BPD has a high level of impulsivity which varies according to the person's state of mind and the situations in which they live. Living with borderline personality disorder involves living with a very strong tendency to have impulsive behaviors that drive the person to make decisions and behaviors that they will then regret. In other words: for one person, live with the TPL "It's like living with a balloon in your hands that can explode anytime."

Thus, impulsivity in the person with BPD is experienced in different ways. For example, at the level of interpersonal relationships can make decisions very quickly and in a hurry depending on how we feel at a time. On the other hand, at the professional level, living with borderline personality disorder may involve constantly changing work without really knowing the reason for this lack of compliance with different positions. Moreover, all of this presupposes constant instability that can hinder emotional regulation.

"Living with borderline personality disorder involves living with a very significant tendency to impulsive behavior that causes the person to make decisions without thinking and to behave in ways that they will regret."

In fact, people with BPD need cognitive and behavioral strategies and skills to manage their impulsivity. Moreover, it is fundamental in these cases to know how to use positive and flexible affirmations when it is necessary to value the situations of the daily life and the lived experiences.

Insecurity caused by the fear of abandonment

Often, living with borderline personality disorder comes down to "not being able to enjoy relationships because we are afraid that the person we love is going away" as explained by a 37-year-old woman diagnosed with BPD since she was 19 years old. Thus, we can understand that the TPL is characterized by a significant fear of abandonment. The person focuses both on the relationship and loses sight of the positive aspects of it as an anticipation of the likely abandonment.

On the other hand, it is not necessary the fear of abandonment manifests itself verbally. Indeed, the person with BPD does not necessarily tell his partner, friend or family member "I'm afraid you'll abandon me “. The fear of abandonment is usually expressed by jealousy, the desire to control the other, not having individual activities or not wanting to be alone. Therapy for the person with BPD can help them manage the fear of dropping out and eradicate jealous and controlling behaviors.

If it is certain that people with BPD have had experiences of abandonment at the family or sentimental level; the problem is that they can not overcome these abandonments and they generalize these experiences in almost every area of ​​their personal lives. For it, with people who suffer from BPD, we talk about the importance of healing the wounds of the past, and we are working on different techniques to overcome fear.

The roller coaster of emotions

The patient with BPD develops a difficulty in regulating his own emotions, it is one of the symptoms considered as the most characteristic of this disease. In fact, Patients have to cope with a lot of intense emotions every day and often disproportionate to the situation they are experiencing. For this, "to live with the borderline disorder of the personality is to live very intensely, for better and for worse".

We must also understand that the problems of regulation of emotions have their origin in childhood. When the child's feelings are not validated, he is convinced that what he feels is neither important nor correct. Thus, he does not acquire the ability to label emotions and know how to mitigate them. The consequence will be that, at adulthood, having the TPL is synonymous with "to feel a lot of emotions that all emerge at the same time".

"Living with the borderline personality disorder is like living very intensely, for better or for worse."

People with BPD experience the best and worst of the world of emotions because it is difficult for them to adjust their emotional response and they have a reduced repertoire of emotions that are all very intense. This is one of the reasons why many sessions of BPD therapy are dedicated to emotional regulation ability. For this, we work on the identification of emotions and techniques to mitigate such as relaxation, paradoxical intentions, distraction techniques and mindfulness.

Finally, it is important to emphasize that living with borderline personality disorder requires a lot of patience and empathy on the part of others. Indeed, as in all personality disorders, the entourage of the sufferer shares his problems and is also affected.

If you suffer from BPD, remember that people who love you the most can feel helpless in front of you and may not know how to help you. It is recommended that you seek the assistance of a specialized professional who is able to guide you.

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