We all know when something is bothering us. Or when we behave in a rancorous and vindictive way.But do we really know how to identify the situation that makes us angry?How can we learn to get angry and display that emotion at the right time and with the right person? All this requires work on oneself.
Learning to get angry is a challenge that many people can not overcome.It means learning to tolerate frustration and knowing how to channel it appropriately. You must not deflect it. Nor must it affect areas other than the one concerned and must not exceed a reasonable duration.To be angry demands intrapersonal work, that is, work on oneself, and interpersonal, with others.
Let's take an example to understand the importance of anger.A couple argues at home; everyone shouts to the other what he thinks of him and the case remains there.One of the members of the couple then goes to work and, faced with the slightest mistake, gets angry with one of his employees without allowing him to answer.
This person, having no opportunity to explain why she made this mistake, goes home and disputes her child for any reason. She punishes him afterwards. The child, in turn, once in school, has an altercation with a comrade because the latter does not speak well to him.This channel could continue indefinitely. It could have ended with the couple solving his problem by talking;the members could have each defended their point of view.
Learning to get angry means learning to manage and channel frustration.Share
Identify the situation that makes us angry
It may be that the mistake is to believe that it is the external elements or the others that make us angry. In fact, this is something that is part of us.Everyone does not get angry for the same thing. Everyone does not get angry at the same time. The first challenge is to identify the concrete actions or words that triggered our alarm.
When we are able to identify this first fact, we can start our work and stop it.Knowing ourselves gives us tools to understand ourselves and to know that we do not tolerate certain things.Indeed, these can affect a part of us that we do not like or do not know. We must therefore continue to work on us.
To be angry is a normal and healthy thing. However, it is our responsibility to know how to get angry with the right person at the right time. We must not allow this rage to continue. For this, we must say what we do not like and makes us feel uncomfortable.To say what makes us angry is not a permanent solution to the problem.
Knowing how to communicate anger
The best technique for communicating what we do not like can be schematized in several steps.The prologue would be to calm down to speak quietly and seek solutions. Cries rarely lead to good understanding. The later stages can be:
- Show how we feel:it is important to show what we feel personally and not to comment on the actions or words of the other. There is a difference between "I feel sidelined when you do not expect anything with me" and "it makes me angry to see you go away with your friends".
- Contextualize the problem:we must avoid using expressions as always, never, everyone … Being able to delimit and render a concrete problem also helps to express it and to solve it. For example, there is nothing to see between "you are always with them" and "it's been several days that you spend time with some people".
- Show what you want:it's about showing what we really want. For example, "I would like you to continue seeing your friends, but do not forget to plan things with me either."
- Showing empathy :in other words, trying to understand why the other is acting in a certain way helps us not to perceive actions or words as an offense. The situation can be solved in a more effective way: "I understand that you want to enjoy your friends from time to time".
- Propose solutions :this is where the biggest challenge lies. We do not just show what we feel: we also express what we want. "We could look for times when we are both free to continue doing activities."
Learning to get angry requires work and practice. However, it allows us to feel betterand to improve our relationships, both with ourselves and with others. Do not postpone this job and face this challenge. Do you know how to get angry?