"If he's jealous it's because he loves you", "if I'm jealous it's because I love you", "you should rather worry if one day he is no longer jealous because that would mean he does not love you anymore "… as many sentences as you have probably heard and said.
However, contrary to what we believe, jealousy is not a proof of love. It's actually an emotional response to feeling scared of losing something or someone which we are sure he / she belongs to us and for whom we have a lot of affection.
The jealousy is a warning signal that informs us of the existence of a danger: the possible loss of the loved one due to the presence of another person.
Jealousy is usually accompanied by feelings of abandonment and exclusion, and can be very poorly experienced. However, if we learn to manage and understand this signal, it can become very rewarding.
One can be jealous because of many things, but all are related to the fact that the jealous person is not very sure of it …
Thus, she thinks that the third person in question will bring to her spouse all she would have wanted but did not have.
However, this rival is not always a real person, because it is often the image of what you would like to be.
Jealousy does not only concern couples (although this is the most typical case), but it is also present between brothers and sisters, cousins, friends, family members, co-workers, etc.
Thus, this feeling, present in all cultures for thousands of years, is the subject of songs, myths, legends, books, and of course, scientific studies.
Jealousy starts from the mistaken idea that someone belongs to us
If we leave aside the idea that the other is part of our "heritage", jealousy would not exist.
There is nothing more simple. The human being is by nature raised in an environment in which he appropriates everything around him.
We keep one thing because we like it and we would like it to be at our mercy whenever we want.
In the specific case of a relationship, it is the opinions and feelings of both people that should count. This means that it is important to arrive at a balance.
You can not pretend that the other is an object that can do what you wantwhen you want, how you want and where you want.
According to V. de Miguel: "Sometimes an excessive concern for the spouse implies the need to control it, which is more like possession than love.r ".
Overprotecting him and constantly asking him where he is, if he has arrived at work, and what he is doing, may be an unconscious way of clinging to him.
If you think that your spouse does not belong to you, that does not mean that you love him less, because you have no right to him and you can not dictate to him what you want him to do.
Each member of the couple needs autonomy, a part of life proper to each and which, at the same time, strengthens their relationship.
Do you think there is more evidence of love than seeing the person you love happy and free to do what she wants?
Of course, on this point you say to yourself: if I let her do what she wants, she will deceive me or she will behave in a disrespectful way.
The reason, or rather the cause, of jealousy lies in the feeling of self-deprecation and in the way of receiving it, and that depends on each one of us.
Excessive fear of losing the person you love reveals that you are not happy with yourself and that you consider that you need someone else to be. So, what to do to cure this jealousy?
The important thing is to speak directly to the origin of the problem: destructive self-rejection. It is normal that we all have parts of ourselves that we do not like or that we would like to improve.
However, the problem arises when we start to reject these parts of us in a destructive way. Instead of transforming them, we hurt them even more with our thoughts and actions.
Stop believing in this jealousy story out of love.
If your spouse controls each of your movements, if he criticizes the way you dress, if he wants to be more often alone, if he spies on you while you write a text message or email, if you do not feel calm when you go to work and are looking for excuses to stay at home, or if you have to endure some kind of questioning when you come home, it may be time to analyze your spouse's degree of jealousy and to make a point on your couple.
It is said that one can not change an unhealthy jealous person. However, you can prevent things from getting worse and getting too big.
You have to make him understand, with respect, that he has a problem (even if he does not realize it) and help him understand that trust is an essential thing in a relationship. If both people work to move forward, the couple will come out.
The solution is to accept the feelings you feel, try to understand them and talk to your other half.