"When we have to make a choice and we do not do it, it is in itself already a choice.”
– William James –
Sometimes, we try to solve things by staying on a path full of pitfalls, and we are often impatient to find an answer to a problem that makes us suffer so much.
If all attempts have failed or even made the problem worse, it may be best to stop trying. Sometimes the best thing is to do nothing, and that's a decision.
This decision is not taken for lack of interest, it does not mean that you give up or that you have failed.
Stop trying is a solution in itself, a step forward, an alternative. It does not mean that you have to let time go by without doing anything and pretend that it will solve everything.
Doing nothing is not giving up everything you were fighting forit is a path that contributes to your learning.
It's about improving your emotional state by getting away from what hurts you and diminishes your self-esteem. It means to distance oneself prudently.
When doing nothing at all is the best decision to make
There are many types of problems and each of them has its own distinct solution.
It would be impossible to apply this rule generally to all the problems of life. Doing nothing does not mean being inactive, lazy or disinterested: the goal is to improve the situation.
Here are some examples in which this rule may apply:
– A child knows he can get attention by spiking a crisis. Our direct response is to answer his call. Thus, the child will repeat this strategy whenever he wants to get what he wants.
What if you did not do anything? What if you quietly ignored her attention and then explained that her technique did not work?
The mere fact of not responding to one's whim prevents the child's technique from working. This reduces the likelihood that he will start again in the future, seeing that this strategy is not working.
However, it is not a question of doing nothing literally, but of being strategist and not falling into the trap.
– A friend of yours, you bear responsibility for his malaise. Even if you have tried everything to help her and have spent a lot of time on her, she blames you for not being there the way she wanted.
It is normal to go through difficult times, and we are able to understand that a person can sometimes act unfairly. However, should we accept this personal attack?
Your friend can not blame you for not being there when she was wrong, at the exact second she wanted.
Finally, we can not read in the minds of others. Nor are we superheroes who can land at any time of the day, with each drop of morale of our relatives.
It is important to be present for the people we love, but not at all costs and in any condition.
– You often argue with someone. With each new attempt, the situation gets worse and no way out seems possible.
In this case, if you have already tried everything, maybe the best thing would be to put all this aside for a while. Doing nothing is ultimately doing something anyway.
Of course, in this case, it is best to speak openly with the other person, to try to make him understand that it is better to take your distance to avoid aggravating the problem.
When you take the time to improve your emotional state and move away from the sources of suffering, you can see more clearly and better analyze conflict situations, to make better decisions, away from stress. And no, that does not mean you're selfish.
Know how to get away and then come back
is the key to a lasting relationship.