Have you ever felt criticized? How did you feel ? Perhaps you have developed the fear of being criticized as a result of a similar episode.Being criticized does not make anyone happyespecially when the criticism is bad.
There are different types of criticism.Not all critics are negative. There are constructive criticisms that help us to improve different aspects of ourselves. But even this kind of criticism may not please or make us cringe if they come at a time when we are not particularly receptive.
The fear of being criticized
Most of the time,when we receive criticism, we experience it as a personal attack. Some people live it as a hurtful and shameful comment. So that we feel hurt or put on the defensive.
Have you ever taken the time to think about the reasons of the person giving the criticism?We will put ourselves on the defensive if, by receiving criticism, we do not think about why this person is so angry and to what extent she is right or not. So that we do not get anything useful from it.
We may find that some of our maladaptive behaviors can be changed if we calm down and clarify the problem. Thecriticism will then help us to learn and maintain good relationships with this person. We will stop being afraid of being criticized.
It can also happen that the person is wrong. That she has a point of view that we do not share. We can yield to the fear of criticism if we do not express it with confidence.We could then be the object of manipulation of the other person.We will also develop low self-esteem.
Accepting the criticism adequately is advantageous
The first step to no longer being afraid of being criticized is to learn to be criticized.We will achieve this by learning to react calmly to criticism. The benefits of responding calmly to criticism are:
- We first learn to control negative emotions.
- We do not feel attacked.
- Finally, we learn to dissociate it from our self-esteem. A criticism is just an opinion.
We can better take into account critics if we are calm and react quietly to them.The benefits are numerous :
- We can assess whether the criticism is good or if it is an attempt at manipulation.
- If it's good, we can learn from it and do not mess up the relationship with that person.
- If it is good, but the person did not know how to express it properly, we can understand it and show the other the way of saying things.
- Criticism could be an attempt at manipulation. In this case, we frustrate the person by remaining calm and relaxed.
- We do not show our weak, sensitive points by not reacting with anger.
- We affirm ourselves, we are the ultimate judges of our behavior. It will also be wise to rectify our behavior if we were wrong. If we have not made any mistakes, we will calmly reaffirm our position. If the other person continues, we will not respond to the provocation.
- This allows us to find a way out of a situation that often becomes very unpleasant.
What negative thoughts interfere with confrontation with criticism?
There are a number ofthoughts that do not help us at all in the face of criticism. We will stop being afraid of being criticized if we change these thoughts.
Thoughts about yourself
"I ruined everything again, what a disaster, what a shame I have done wrong!" Such thoughts generate the conviction that we must always be competent, that to make a mistake makes us a person of little value.
In this case, the rational thought would be this: "Did I act badly First of all, let me see if I really made a mistake, and if so, I have the right to be wrong.How will an error make me a worthless person?It only makes me into what I am: human ".
Thoughts on the situation
"What an uncomfortable, humiliating situation I can not bear, I have to leave" The belief behind this statement is that thethings should always be easy and comfortable. That they must be as I wish.So rational thinking would be the following: "The situation is uncomfortable but am I able to support it, what is it better to flee or face situations?" This is an embarrassing situation. But we can learn from it by listening to it.
Thoughts on the other
"He ridicules me, he wants to expose me, he does it to attack me, he loves to put my finger on my mistakes". The belief behind these thoughts is that itthere are bad people who deserve to be punished. The others should always be kind and give me what I need. They are worthless otherwise.
This thought can therefore be changed by a more rational thought. We could say, for example: "How can I know his intention?I can not read the thoughts of others. And if he does it to bother? If this is so, it is that humans are sometimes not as good as it would be desirable. I'm not perfect either. "
As we can see,the fear of being criticized can be overcome. We must first accept to be criticized and react calmly. We will then have to change some thoughts inherent in the criticism.