Aggressiveness is one of the least understood and least managed instincts. It has, in general, a negative connotation.Nevertheless, it is part of survival tools and is therefore fundamental. One of the situations in which this dilemma of appreciation takes shape is when we have to claim.
Very often,we wonder if, in claiming, we will be hypersensitive to something that is not worth it or if it is a really important thing that we can not let go.To elucidate this point is not simple. It depends on a subjective evaluation that fluctuates according to our mood and not according to objective reality.
The dilemma of claiming or not can be more important than it seems.When it is necessary to make a claim, if we do not, we imply that others can do what they want with us. And when we ask for something that is not worth it, we can experience a superfluous conflict. If this implies an important situation, these two choices could be decisive.
Tracks to know when to claim
The question is: what are the criteria that we must apply to know if it is appropriate to claim, in the face of a situation that hinders or hurts us? The first thing to consider is implicit in this question:it is not always advisable to claim, either on a personal or corporate level.
In principle,we can say that claiming is inevitable when:
- This concerns a basic or fundamental right.In this case, we must never remain silent. Not to claim in these circumstances opens a door to lack of respect and consideration.
- When an evil has effects that are not only immediatebut which condition your well-being in the medium and long term. In this case, not to claim means to prolong an adverse effect on us.
- If one deliberately violates an agreement or a pact.If an agreement is reached and it is broken, that is a valid reason for claiming. This implies a change in the rules of the game. If no claims are made, the new standards are accepted, even if they are detrimental to some.
- When one undermines dignity.This can be verbal, physical or symbolic. We must not accept such a situation. To remain silent or to remain inactive is equivalent to legitimizing this action.
When should not we claim?
Just as some criteria must push us to claim, others give us leads on these situations where the claims are too much.One of them is when someone hurts us or touches us involuntarily.The intention to do evil was not present; circumstances led the person to hurt another without wanting to. So, why claim?
Nor is it adequate to claim when our ego or vanity is affected.For example, when we are not invited to a group activity we wanted to participate in. Or when we are not treated like kings, without treating us badly. In these cases, the discomfort comes from a narcissistic injury that we must overcome, instead of claiming it.
One of the cases where we should never claim iswhen we have rendered a service to someone and wait for him to return it to uswhereas this person did not commit himself to it. If there is no prior agreement, everyone has the right to render the service or not. Everyone does what he wants.
Claim is also an art
When we decide that it is appropriate to claim, that does not mean that we have to start a violent conflict.There is a conflict, yes, because we have arrived at a situation in which one person is acting to the detriment of the other. However, there must be no aggression or lack of will to solve the problem.
It is better to make a claim when the discomfort is not on edge.If we are hurt, it leads to frustration. Our anger may be justified but, very often, it does not allow us to handle the situation appropriately. It is therefore best to calm down before claiming.
The next step is to expose your claim very clearly. And indicate what aspect you reject, while explaining the causes.You must say why it is harmful to our rights or our pacts. Ask or demand explanations and, if appropriate, an apology or claim for the harm caused. All this can be done without you having to get angry. There is nothing like the serenity to solve this type of difficulties.