How to face your negative thoughts?

How to face your negative thoughts?

Fighting our negative thoughts directs our minds towards them, giving them importance. And if the origin, or the maintenance, of our problems and our malaise was due to that? Today, we will propose a solution: the metaphor of the bus.
Sometimes, negative thoughts invade us, like: "I should not have bought a house with such a high mortgage", "I lost time studying something that will not serve me", "I will never meet someone like her "," I should have been more understanding, I was too strict "or" I feel bad since I told him that ".
Fighting negative thoughts by taking them into account is exactly like advertising them, because it feeds them, and increases our discomfort and anxiety. In other words, we let them gain importance within ourselves.
If someone has been left by his partner, he will think that he will never find such a beautiful person, and stop going out, or just flirt, not to feel alone.
In the same way, if you believe that an exam will be difficult and that you will never succeed, or that the job interview you are going to spend is going to be a disaster, you will give yourself a perfect apology to spend less time and feel a little quieter.
Surprisingly, we do not need much to start worrying about a situation, and these negative thoughts swiftly invade us, affecting our decision-making.

How to deal with these negative thoughts?

In the face of a negative thought, you can start by thinking about it, for the purpose of rationalize or convert it into a positive thought which expresses what you desire.

You can also accept the presence of this thought in your head, without controlling it, until it disappears from your mind.

Everyone does as he wishes, but do not forget to choose the option that makes you the most good, and that allows you to flourish.

Faced with these three alternatives, the last two are the ones that make us feel better because they allow us to move towards something we love.

Indeed, the second aims to convert our negative language to a more positive goal, while the third is simply to no longer pay attention to this black idea.

To simplify things, we will talk about the metaphor of the bus and the passengers, which will allow you to observe how our negative thoughts and emotions can take control of our minds, deflecting us from our plans, our path, or even totally preventing us from living.

The metaphor of the bus and the passengers

Imagine that you are the driver of a bus, filled with passengers. Passengers are thoughts, feelings, memories, and everything that is part of your mind.

The bus has only one entrance door, through which it is impossible to get out. Some passengers are very uncomfortable, and have a dangerous appearance.

While you are driving the bus, some of them start threatening you by telling you what to do, where you should go and which path you should take.

They insult you, discourage you, tell you that you are a bad driver, an absolute failure and that nobody loves you.

You feel so bad, and you do everything they ask you to go to the bottom of the bus, and keep quiet.

But one day, you're tired of these permanent threats, and you want to kick them out of the bus. Only you can not, so you try to argue with them and confront them.

Without realizing it, the first thing you do is stop driving. From now on, you will not advance anymore. And, besides, the passengers are very strong, they resist you, and you can not get them off the bus. You are resigned, you return to your seat and resume your journey, as they order you.

In this way, so that they do not bother you and to be quiet, you continue to do everything they tell you and you follow all the instructions they give you, so you do not have to argue again. You do what they order you, while dreaming of ejecting them from your life.

Very quickly, without realizing it, they will not need to tell you "turn left", because you will turn to the left of yourself, so that they do not get upset and do not have to face them . Quickly, you will begin to justify their decisions, being convinced that you are driving the bus in the only possible way.

The power of these passengers is based on threats such as: "if you do not do what we tell you, we will appear in your life, and when you look at us, you will feel bad". But, in reality, that's all they can do to you.

And it is true that when these passengers appear, your thoughts and feelings are very negative, and they hurt you a lot. That's why you accept this market, and you do what they ask you to keep quiet, and go to the bottom of the bus.

Take control of the passengers because, in reality, you have lost control of the bus! They are not the ones who turn the wheel, who use the accelerator and the brake and they do not decide where you stop. The driver is you!

There will always be a background noise in your mind, but you can decide how far you want to look. It is you who give them the role of a main character, or who decide to make them extras.

Image of Francisco Peralta and Tim Brown

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