Sometimes, we may be wondering how some people do to ignore criticisms of them.
Maybe they have the power to become deaf whenever they want to? No of course not. So how are they to be so strong?
Critics and our state of mind
What sets people apart from criticism and those who are sensitive to it is their state of mind. While some rationalize criticisms and refute them when they consider them unjustified or impertinent, others construct a self-discourse dominated by negative thoughts that have a negative impact on their morale and attitude, and which destabilize their own self-esteem.
Here is an example.
Pedro and Carlos meet at a nightclub to chat some girls. Pedro is more shy than Carlos, and even if both want to talk and dance with girls, Pedro is afraid that a girl could reject him, while it would not destabilize Carlos, who after 10 minutes would throw already set his sights on another girl. During the evening, Carlos dredged more girls than Pedro.
Here is another example: Maria lives in Madrid and wants to create her business to emancipate herself and enjoy her independence. Laura, who lives in Barcelona, also makes this decision. Suppose that even if they do not know each other and are not in contact, the conditions on Maria's side and Laura's side are the same. When Maria shared her project with her companion and her friends, they criticized the idea, believing it would not work even though nothing was yet in place. So she decided to give up and not implement her project. Laura has received the same criticism, but that did not stop her from starting her own business, while Maria, for her part, still does not know what to do with her life.
What lessons can be learned from all this? The fear of being criticized, the fear of being rejected or looking ridiculous, all that is in the head. Carlos and Laura were not destabilized by the critics because they did not take them as a personal failure, but rather as the opportunity to try to achieve something and to be able to improve it.
Unlike Pedro and Maria, for Carlos and Laura, criticism is not synonymous with rejection.
Justified criticism and unjustified criticism
Critics can not offend us if we do not leave them the power. If someone criticizes us unfairly, it will not affect us. The erroneous comments of others can not hurt us, since the error is ours, and not that of the other.
But the opposite case is also possible ; if someone criticizes us in a justifiable way with regard to something we have done or inappropriate behavior we may have had, it must not be a cause of sadness, bitterness or anxiety .
Criticism can also be constructive We must therefore accept them, keep them in mind and look for other alternatives or strategies to achieve our ends. Whether the criticisms made are justified or not, it is our state of mind which, in the end, gives them a prejudicial character.
What behavior can we adopt in the face of criticism?
1) Have a positive attitude
Most of the time, it is never a pleasure to receive a critique; in general, we put ourselves on the defensive, and we try to dismantle the arguments of the other by erecting large language walls, often ambiguous. It is therefore very important totry to put yourself in the other's shoesthat is, the person who states the criticism.
For that, you need to show a little empathy and have a positive attitude. If we put ourselves in the other person's place, and therefore if we take into account his vision of things, then perhaps we can better understand his behavior.
Be positive in the face of criticismallows you to be more docile, open and willing to interact and listen to each other. To have a positive attitude is not to raise your voice, and to ask questions when you do not understand something or when you feel that the other person does not give you all the information you need to understand what you are saying. he certifies.
2) Find common ground through criticism
What we mean by this is to recognize that there is truth in the criticisms that are made to us. It is almost always possible to find some truth in the arguments of the other, because there are also "semi-unjustified" criticisms. If there is truth, then it is good to recognize it in the face of the one who has spoken it. If there is none, it is better then to say nothing but to lie.
By trying to find common ground, we prove to the other that we take into account his statements, and we avoid entering into a discussion made only of criticisms and defensive arguments.
3) Say what you think and talk
When we say what we think, it is very important not to neglect certain points so as not to destroy the other. For that, one can try to use a language as ambiguous as possible, and to concentrate on the facts.
To avoid putting labels on others and to admit the possibility that one can also be wrong, are two important elements to be aware of possible mistakes that we make.