No longer being addicted (e) emotional, it is possible, but for that you have to be ready to change in order to have a better life. People who attach too much do not benefit from the relationships in which they are engaged, they cling disproportionately to others and fail to feel good when alone.
Statistics show that women are more concerned than men by this problem. However, some men can suffer as much as women from emotional dependence, and are often ashamed to consult a psychologist.
Indeed, they feel that their manhood is put to the test, when in reality it is not: what is at the root of emotional dependence is low self-esteemThis applies to men as well as women.
1. RECOGNIZE THAT THERE IS A PROBLEM
Emotional dependence is not just about relationships. It can also be established between friends, colleagues, members of the same family, or other relatives.
Here is a list of situations that will let you know whether or not you are concerned with this problem. You suffer from emotional dependence if:
– you are happy only in the presence of one person : The one you like or enjoy. You do not enjoy anything else.
– your morale is conditioned by the way you treat others and by what they think of you. Everything is fine as long as you feel accepted, but otherwise, your happiness disappears. You are immoderately dependent on others.
– you avoid conflicts at all costs and are afraid to be a burden to others or to be rejected.
– you make the happiness of others pass before your and you have trouble making choices: your life depends on others.
– you feel good about yourself only if you feel loved ; when you do not love anyone, you feel empty, without any self-esteem. Even if people who are not emotional dependents also want to have someone special in their lives and can also feel sad when they are alone, and that does not prevent them from enjoying life.
On the other hand, when she is alone, an affective dependent person is depressed, sees her self-esteem fall, and fails to enjoy life.
– you are inhabited by the feeling of guilt and you feel responsible for the happiness of others, be it within your couple, your family, your group of friends, etc. You feel obliged to please others and if you do not, you feel guilty.
– you are often overcome by fear to lose this or that person (s) you like or appreciate. This fear prevents you from enjoying the relationships you are engaged in as you should.
– you can not protect yourself from emotional blackmailyou will not tolerate anyone suffering because of you, and you make others happy.
– you'd rather suffer than see the person you're dependent on coming out of your life ; you do not have the courage to break the bridges, since you feel unable to move forward without the person you love being at your side.
– you need each otherbecause without the other life no longer makes sense; you need that person to show you how important you are to them, as disproportionately as you do. If you do not, you think we do not like you and you get angry. Your requirements dictate your life.
– you like to have total control over the life of the person you love, to make sure that she will not give up on you. You become a kind of spy and listen to conversations with other people.
She obsesses you, so that you stop living your own life to watch hers to make sure her interest stays intact.
If in your opinion there is a risk that she will abandon you, you can come to no longer be yourself and to do things that you would not have done normally for the sole purpose of pleasing him.
– you place the other in the center of your lifeso that your friends and other loved ones lose all importance in your eyes. Often, you end up isolating yourself from the rest of society: all that interests you is to be with the person you love, and if possible every day.
– any relationship makes you anxious ; you are never satisfied because it is always you who love the most. You are afraid that you will be abandoned, which would be a disaster because you can not imagine your life without the person you love.
2. LIST ALL THE THINGS YOU HAVE MADE BY LOVE AND HAVE HARMED YOURSELF
Once you recognized that you have a problem and that you are convinced that you must get rid of the emotional dependence to feel good in your life, make a list of all the things that you have been able to do for someone, that have hurt you.
You need to be aware of the fact that a person who is an emotional addict does not care about his or her own well-being and prefers to please the other so as not to lose it. If you want to change, the first thing you need to do is think about yourself in the first place and make your personal well-being your priority.
In what way has the other made you suffer? What did you do for the other who hurt you? For example, have you left out your friends, family, activities, hobbies, education, personal growth, etc.? Did the others go and treat you with the respect they owed you? Did you do things that you did not feel good for the sole purpose of not losing it? What were the consequences on your emotional state? Do you feel that you have begged for love or affection insincerely? Have you enjoyed other aspects of your life, such as your hobbies, your friends, etc.? Did you endure a lot of negative things just to not lose it? etc …
It is important that you are aware of the suffering you have endured as an emotional addict. Think about all the negative things that brought you this relationship, and strengthen your desire to change and draw a line on emotional dependence.
3. STRENGTHEN YOUR ESTIMATE OF YOURSELF
The main factor of any dependency is a low self esteem. There are several ways to strengthen it, which can range from psychological counseling to bibliotherapy. Indeed, in all the libraries, you will be able to find books all the more interesting than the others dealing with the self-esteem.
Behave as if you were a psychology student and had a job to do, find out about anything that would help you build your self-esteem and read the books that you think are most interesting. You can always learn something new or instructive.
4. LEARN TO LIVE ALONE
Living in love and being loved in return is good, but living in harmony with oneself is even healthier. You can not have a healthy relationship with each other if you do not feel good about yourself.
When a person loves himself and does not need others to feel good, then he is ready to love others in a healthy way. Everyone would like to find the perfect partner, but there is a difference between "needing" and "wanting".
When you need each other, then the relationship you have with him is doomed to fail, because if we do not love ourselves, we can not love others in a mature and healthy way .
You have to learn to enjoy life, even when you are alone. There is a multitude of things to do, such as getting better, preparing for the future, spending time at leisure, developing friendly relationships with healthy people, traveling, looking around to enjoy every little thing in life, and especially take care of yourself and love yourself as you deserve.