Fear of conflict: when fear prevents us from defending ourselves

Fear of conflict: when fear prevents us from defending ourselves

People who are afraid of conflict opt ​​for silence and "I prefer to pass "to avoid confrontation and, according to them, to live in peace. However, these dynamics, based on resistance and non-reaction, anchor them in a state of accumulated discomfort, frustration and, above all, loss of dignity.

Where does this fear come from?

Fears, as such, have an evolutionary function: they help us to survive, to better react to risks. Now, the real problem of our modernity is that we no longer have predators that are putting our survival at risk, the threats ceased to be physical and became almost exclusively pathological fears. Which, whether we like it or not, limits our growth, our social and emotional solvency.

People who are afraid of conflict complete consultations with psychologists. This may surprise many, but it is a reality. Thus, these profiles are characterized by dynamics and mental discourses based almost exclusively on the idea ofI do not want to do or say that so they do not get angry” , ” I dare not tell them that because it could hurt them " or "I do not know how to tell them that what they did does not seem fair to me” .

Living on the border of permanent insecurity is not life. Living in this haven of immobility in the face of injustice is not healthy. Being able to react to what we do not like and to defend our rights is a principle of well-being and health. Dealing with conflicts, managing them effectively, will help us grow.

The person who is afraid of conflict is the one who gradually and silently fills a globe of anger and frustration. It does it by swallowing what hurts, it does by yielding and releasing this or that. Until it's too late: this balloon eventually burst into his hands.

What is behind the fear of conflict?

We could say that a timely retirement avoids many conflicts. We all know it and we all put it into practice at some point in our lives and we find that, in general, the strategy has worked well. However, persistent recourse to retirement is not an appropriate response to all circumstances. Not when there are injustices and what we must do is defend ourselves, delimit, react. The continued use of avoidance will gradually bring us into the circle of suffering, in a defensive barrier that will hurt us.

Almost without realizing it, we will end up experiencing situations we do not want. We will empower others and let our personal boundaries dissolve like a sugar in a cup of coffee. People who are afraid of conflict fill the consultations of health professionals for a fact more than obvious: they end up somatizing this frustration (muscle pain, digestive problems, ulcers, cold sores … ). Not to mention, of course, mental problems, such as anxiety disorders.

What are the characteristic features of these people?

If we ask ourselves now what lies behind this corrosive fear of conflict, it is not always easy to generate a profile that can be useful to each individual. Let's look, however, at some features that define them on average more frequently.

  • These are people without genuine emotional intelligence (They do not recognize their emotions, choose to hide them, lack confidence, social skills ….).
  • They fear losing the connection or the relationship with others by expressing authentically their thoughts and emotions. Not only that, but they also associate sincerity with danger and the possibility of losing someone.
  • They worry too much about the social image they have of themselves They do not want to make mistakes, to create disagreements.
  • When there is a conflict, they do not always avoid it. In many cases, they choose the best way out : give in or take the blame to find harmony.
  • They adopt a role model, a model based on getting along with everyone.

We must change our vision of conflict

Just say the word "conflict" aloud for us to visualize a battlefield. A hostile scenario where words fly and stick, where differences lead to insult, where differences are in an insurmountable distance where we end up losing everything. We must take a turn, change the chip, create a new vision of this idea.

People who are afraid of conflict need to understand many things. The first is that these situations can bring us very positive dimensions. Effective resolution of these differences affects our identity and self-esteemand we also clean up the relationships and social contexts in which we evolve daily. Recall that the conflict can arise in almost all circumstances: in the queue of the supermarket, with our partner, our children, a colleague …

To settle in passivity or flight distances us from our own social role. Thus, we are obliged to know how to reach a consensus, to dialogue, to solve problems, to negotiate and also to satisfy our own needs, our own integrity. Doing it is not a bad thing, getting it requires work, perseverance and proper training in social skills, emotional management and self-awareness. Let's stop fleeing ourselves and face life to achieve well-being.

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