There are different types of people. Some support us and allow us to move forward while others are like stones on the way making progress difficult. Each of us chooses those who are by our side and the people to whom we must set limits to avoid tripping. Read this article, where it will be question of excessive amiability.
You have probably already wondered: Why are there always people ready to help others? What motivates them when we do not ask them for help? These are people who have the kindness in them and who are always ready to help.
We might think that kindness is always something good because it helps to maintain our well-being. However, it is not when the limits are outdated and that we act kindly at any time. It is a toxic amability, an incredible form of behavior in which we forget our own person to favor others.
Sometimes we are so good that we forget ourselves and let others pass us by. We believe that we must always be good and we start to become invisible.Share
Excessive friendliness, when we fade
Sometimes we give so much to others that we stop thinking about ourselves. Imagine the typical situation in which the mother does everything for the well-being of her children and cares so much about them that she comes to forget her own needs.
It does not mean that doing something for the other is wrong, but just focusing on the others becomes. In some situations, we want to please others because they ask for help or simply because we believe they need us and we want to make them feel comfortable no matter how .
Although you do not believe it, this excess of kindness can end up inconveniencing. Indeed, sometimes we do not let the other person realize what he wants because we do things before it. So we focus so much on what we imagine as good for the other that we forget what we personally need.
In this way, we fade, we begin to become invisible because of our own actions. By always being focused on others, we position ourselves last. It's a way of forgetting us and taking away importance.
When I'm not able to say no because of my excessive kindness
Sometimes we give a very strong value to the friendliness. In this case, as we believe that we must be kind, we do not mark limits and we always say yes. We are willing to hear all requests just in order to be a good person.
What is wrong? If these are things that do not bother you, there is nothing wrong with that but imagine that to be kind you must find yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Would you be willing to feel uncomfortable to be kind?
We often fall into the trap, we believe that to be good people it is necessary to accept what we are asked because we make people happy and we get closer to them. But what about us? No extreme is adequate. We can be nice with limits so we do not go over and do not let others do it.
Disadvantages of excessive amiability
Toxic amiability brings with it a series of obstacles for us and our surroundings. Observe these different disadvantages so as not to forget you by being too kind:
- Low self esteem
- Low self-knowledge
- Less authentic relationships
- Feedback of feelings of guilt
- Increased dependency in relationships
- More important anxiety
- Increase in the constant need for approval of others
This list includes only some of the disadvantages of toxic amability. It's like a vicious circle in which we forget ourselves. It diminishes our value. We create relationships that can hurt us because we are constantly waiting for each other's needs.
When the other is not there, we do not know what to do because we always act for him. When he gets angry it's the same thing. Indeed, not being used to thinking for us when the other is not available, it is difficult for us to find ourselves.
"I'm moving away from me by prioritizing you at all times."Share
Strategy to stop being excessively lovable
Although excessive loveliness can become part of us, there are principles to be kind in a healthier way. Thus, we give ourselves the value we deserve and we can count on more authentic and fluid relationships.
- Set limits. Let people know that they should not go beyond you. Tell them the things that bother you, what you would not do, what makes you uncomfortable, etc. Thus, people will know the things they can ask you or not.
- Say goodbye to guilt. Sometimes you have to say no. Stop feeling guilty about not doing service or not always being present for others. You do not have to do it. Besides, that does not mean that you will stop being kind, but simply that you give importance to yourself.
- Make a list of your priorities. You can continue to be there for others without leaving you behind. Organize yourself and choose the most important things in your life. Thus, you will know how much time you have to be with others and to support them.
- Do you know. Thus, you will know what you want and it will be easier for you to impose your priorities and your limits on others. You will understand more deeply your feelings and thoughts and you will understand why it is difficult for you to be attentive.
Importance of personal consideration
As you can see, it's about worrying about yourself. It will not be difficult because you already know how to treat others so you can probably do the same with yourself. Do not forget that friendliness is important, but must be measured.
The price of an excess of kindness with others is the abandonment of oneself. To give fair value to friendliness, you must believe in yourself and value yourself. You will understand that no one is above you only if you enjoy yourself and know how important you are.
In addition, keep in mind that even when your intentions are good, some might take advantage of your excessive friendliness knowing that they can get everything from you. Concentrate on yourself, prioritize and set boundaries. Your power is in you.