“I like when you're cold when it's 21 ° C outside, I like that you put an hour and a half to order a sandwich, I like this little wrinkle above the nose that appears when you look at me as if I was crazy. I love when after spending the day with you, I still feel your perfume on my clothes. And I like you to be the last person I want to talk to before going to sleep. And it's not because I'm alone and it's Christmas Eve. I came because when you realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”
This is surely one of the most beautiful declarations of love we have ever heard. It was made by Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) to his best friend Sally Albright (Meg Ryan) in the movie "When Harry meets Sally".
When there is a relationship of friendship between a man and a woman, we tend to believe that, inevitably, there are only two possible ends: a great love story or, if there is ever this little spark, an impossible love.
However, in a study conducted by the American psychologist Heidi Reeder, a hundred men and women were interviewed. They were asked to talk about the feelings they felt for their best friend, and after analyzing the results, the following conclusions were drawn:
There are 4 forms of attraction between friends:
1. Friendly attraction is the most common. This is the attraction we feel towards people whose company we value.
2. Romantic attraction. This is the least common among friendseven if the majority of people have already felt it once, especially at the very beginning of a relationship of friendship. It is this desire that friendship evolves in love relationship.
3. Subjective physical / sexual attraction One-third of those surveyed admitted to having already felt this kind of attraction to their friend. It is about envying that sex is part of the friendship relationship.
4. Objective physical / sexual attraction More than half of the study participants have already felt it. It is to think that a friend is attractive in the general sense of the word, but without personally feeling attraction to him / her.
Thanks to these results, it seems obvious that friendship and love are intense and very close feelings. Thus, it is easy to think that the step to be crossed between the two is possible. However, the fear of revealing one's attraction to the other is always present, because of the fear of rejection or to lose that friendship.
However, this study reveals that a true friendship would resist this shock.
There are friendships that last and those that die
What is the difference between those who manage to maintain a friendship and those who move away permanently?
The statistics analyzed revealed that the success of a friendship was related to how to behave before, but especially after the confession.
According to Heidi Reeeder, friendship can be maintained by making suggestions, talking, and most importantly, staying calm.
Strengthening this relationship of friendship by doing everything to make it work and keeping the same habits as before is a fundamental first step for the relationship to continue.
It is very important to accept that feelings are not reciprocal. The suffering is due to the rejection of reality.
However, we must remember that to accept is not to give up and to give up is to free oneself from negative emotions.
In general, strong and long lasting friendships are more likely to overcome the storm, while new friendships are more vulnerable.
Among the friendships that survive, there is a strong complicity. It is about open relationships where one speaks freely of intimate subjects, without taboos.
When passion breaks out
"Sex without love is an empty experience. Yes, but among empty experiences, it's one of the best! "
Sometimes you feel the need to clear your head with your friend, someone who really knows you and can give you a new perspective on your thoughts. And one night, what was to be a simple evening between friends turns into a passionate night.
Of the 300 respondents, 20% have ever had sex with a friend at some point in their life. However, 76% acknowledged that their friendship was even stronger after.
In these cases, the people managed to restore the climate of complicity and friendship that prevailed before the passion surprised them.
For this to happen, remember that dialogue is the basis of friendship and that we must not hide behind trivial excuses that will only worsen the situation.
It's only sex between friends! Are you sure of that?
Harry and Sally are fictional characters. In real life, they would be the exception that confirm the rule. The same study found a very interesting figure: only a small percentage of respondents were engaged, and among those same people, 50% managed to reach an even more lasting relationship.
Are you friends? So the first thing to do is to be sincere to yourself and to your friend.