"Everyone can get angry, it's easy, but getting angry with the right person, at the right intensity, at the right time, for a good reason and in the right way, it's not easy" .
Anger is an emotion we all knew at many moments in our lives, whether because of events that are of little importance (eg getting stuck in a traffic jam), or because of more significant events (dismissal, for example).
This emotion of anger, like all other emotions, has different degrees of intensity. Anger is characterized by the fact thatit is born of a frustration, an expectation or a desire that we could not satisfy.
Why are we angry?
Reasons and reasons for anger can be very varied and also depend on each person, because what will make one person angry will not necessarily annoy another. Moreover, everything does not make us angry with the same intensity.
We are angry when we wish something important for us and that an obstacle prevents the realization of this desire.
For example: you really want to go to the movies, you already warned your partner and you even chose the film! Your half comes home and tells you that she is very tired and does not want to go to the movies anymore. At this point, you are frustrated because your desire can not be realized and you may become angry.
This situation can be found in different forms in your daily life. Anger at such situations gives us the energy to overcome the obstacle.
However, many of these obstacles are unintentional and it is therefore important to channel this energy so that it does not become destructive and eat away at you.
It is this overload of energy that we call "anger", whose main function is to cope with frustration, to reassure us about the realization of a desire that we see threatened.
When does anger become destructive?
The fact that our anger becomes destructive or not, that is when excess energy prevents us from solving our problems and only makes them worse; depends only on our beliefs and our way of interpreting things.
If we see this obstacle as something that deliberately frustrates us, then the energy needed to face a battle will be released.
Our body then secretes a significant amount of neurotransmitters such as adrenaline and norepinephrine to stimulate our alertness and our activity, to allow us to confront and fight.
It all depends on how we interpret this obstacle that prevents us, voluntarily or not, to achieve our wish and frustrates us. The answer will depend more or less on this thing we face.
When we think that the obstacle is voluntary, our anger becomes destructive.
On the contrary, if we think that this obstacle has no intention of preventing the realization of our desire; the answer will be closer to solving the problem. Even if anger is still more or less present, it will not become destructive.
For example: if your other half tells you that they do not want to do anything, and even if your desire is frustrated, and you come to understand that they just do not want to, your anger will not be not against it, and this energy will not be used to undertake a battle.
On the other hand, if faced with this same situation you imagine that your half intentionally goes against your wish, then your anger will turn against it. You will come into conflict, which can cause a deep malaise.
Every frustration we face is pushing us consciously or unconsciously to evaluate the cause of it. Almost immediately, we try to find out whether it is an adverse intention or not.
Although it depends on each person's experience and character, some people are constantly living in destructive anger because they think that all their frustrations are due to an adversary's will, be it fate or the people around them.
"When our mind is dominated by anger, we waste the best part of the human brain: wisdom, the ability to discern and decide what is good or bad.".
– Levy, N. (2000).Emotional wisdom. Plaza & Janés.