Disappointment. This downward slope where the greatest fear is to feel the deepest lonelinesswhich is no longer occupied by any illusion. This feeling of heartbreaking emptiness that comes after the disappearance of the intimacy that connected you to the world. To stop loving is this terrifying vertigo to see the ideal formed by the other person collapsing as Alfred Hitchcock explains in his film Vertigo.
The lack of love is the fear that our loved one falls from the heights and that we are witnesses of it, without being able to put an end to it. It is this process in which there are no remedies or scaffolding to keep it longer up there, where it fulfilled an exquisite function in our mind: to shield us from the reality that we could see in front of us. As a protagonist of this film.
Faced with this situation, we prefer to flee or, rather, continue to maintain a canvas in our minds that puts our beloved safe, a beloved who exists only as his own creation in the imagination. Love is already a fabrication of our fantasy, of what we would like it to be …
The absence of love sometimes resists giving way to reality, but when it does, there is no solution to the trauma of separation. We can no longer turn pain into magic. It's really finished.
The desolate feeling of desolation
Many of us would have preferred that the love stories that took away our souls do not return to the front of the stage Well, do not realize that there is a ceiling that can not be overcome, or not knowing that the lack of reciprocity does not cause us more intrigue or mystery, but rather a deep disillusionment.
Disappointment. This feeling that the other was never what we thought. What you thought was your love was just another story for your partner. This emptiness of seeing oneself in a relationship in which the other appears more and more like a stranger to crumble and feel that hole in our stomach, which no longer serves reason or illusions.
When that happens, it's like having a stake in our heart, a bandage falling into our hands that paralyzes us. We fell in love because, once and for all, we saw the person as he is, without passing the filter the way we want it to be. We see the way ahead in a flat and lifeless way. Love makes you dizzy when there is no longer love, falling from the heights of our imagination and finding no ground or earth to attach. Maybe because he never really existed … or because he just went out.
We love to build images of love in our minds. Sometimes because the reality is unbearable, there is a trauma that we live alone or a deep disappointment. Before being confronted with the vertigo of a rough, asphalted and flat newspaper, we make a U-turn one last time. We wrap the unequaled reality in golden paper and transform it into fantasy.
With these ideas about how we want the other to be, not really as he is, we endure weddings and illusions of platonic love, unfinished stories that, at some point, will return to their course. We even created so many scenarios that we sometimes ignored wonderful realities. People who loved us, who pampered us, who would never really leave us in the gutter.
Love makes you dizzy, but at the same time allows you to enjoy reality without imagining it
Of course, love needs mysteries, not to be a lover of the explicitto keep words and truths that do not always need to be revealed, only when looks and silences require it. Sometimes words are the clasp of a dreaded and postponed reality, of something that had to be brought to light, once kept as an inner treasure.
There are many different love stories, but if you think yours matches the one you imagined 90% of the time, we have a problem. There are stories that jump in time but that end up passing from the childish state, which evolve, who pass from the image made perfect in the imagination to the imperfect reality but exciting and uncontrollable. But this can only be achieved if you have the courage to take a step back in time before it's too late.