Girls of narcissistic mothers grew up under a threatening feminine shadow.It is an educational style based on control and lack of empathy. A woman tries to model her daughter according to her own version, also projecting her ego and insecurities. These are educational styles filled with self-denial, dependency and suffering.
Would I ever be good enough for my mother?Here is one of the most common questions girls with mothers with this type of narcissistic personality pose.
One thing that many of these women who are raised in such an environment end up recognizing is that their mothers had no maternal instinct. Expert in identity suppression and boycott of any independence,Narcissistic mothers are undoubtedly one of the most complex and harmful profiles we may encounter.
In the 80s, a film that will serve as an example of this reality is released on the screens.Mommie dearestis a production based on the famous book of Christina Crawford, the daughter of the famous actress Joan Crawford.
In these pages, which first attempted to retranscribe the biography of one of the most powerful and influential women in the cinema, we found the story of abuse, of almost constant psychological abuse. That of a narcissistic mother who, defying all the traditional standards of education, wanted to model her daughter as another version of herself.The effects were fatal …
- 1 Girls of narcissistic mothers: when we are never well enough
- 2 The vulnerability of girls of narcissistic mothers
- 3 Never enter into competition with a narcissistic mother
- 4 Girls who are born to serve and obey the narcissistic mother
- 5 How to cure the wound of a narcissistic mother?
- 6 Narcissistic Families: Emotional Suffering Plants
Girls of narcissistic mothers: when we are never well enough
First of all, we must clarify one point.All women with narcissistic behavior patterns do not present a narcissistic personality disorderas defined in DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).They may have certain traits but continue to be functional at the social and personal level. Nevertheless, there is another aspect to be added: total incompetence in education.
This maternal narcissism can only completely bypass the mother-daughter bond. It hampers that child's ability to become an independent and confident woman.
On the other hand, if we ask ourselves what the relationship with the sons looks like, it should be said that it is not adequate either.Generally, in these families, any dynamic centers on the narcissistic mother.Wear, the impact of his personality permeate almost any aspect of life.
Girls of narcissistic mothers suffer much more, and for many reasons. First of all,because mothers use their daughters to project themselves.They are like an annex of their own ego but, at the same time,they see them as a threat.
Why ? Because it is possible that they exceed them at any level: beauty, intelligence, resolution, autonomy … But let us see what dynamics usually define this type of link so harmful.
Maintaining a relationship with a narcissistic mother is as complicated as it is tiring: we can not put aside the fact that these people lack empathy for their own daughters.Share
The vulnerability of girls of narcissistic mothers
The narcissistic mother applies a relentless discipline.She is more concerned with how her daughter is perceived than with what she feels or wants. She ignores the needs of the child.That's why, since the youngest age of her daughter, she tries to cancel her emotions through indifference or criticism.
These dynamics completely undermine the development of the identity of these girls. Low self-esteem may include low self-esteem, vulnerability, and the need to always have the mother's approval.
This dependency is so great that over the years, we can find a sense of shame that grows.This feeling ends up becoming toxic. In many cases, these girls end up believing that they are not worthy of being loved.
Never enter into competition with a narcissistic mother
As we pointed out,girls of narcissistic mothers are a mirror of these.These mothers want their daughters to be an extension of themselves. They want them to look perfect in the world and make the choices they themselves would make. They condition them so at the level of their tastes, their studies, their friends … And even their relationship.
However, an effect as contradictory as it is harmful takes place.Envy is always present, like an asphyxiating veil, like a persistent shadow.Sometimes surreal situations can occur.For example, ban their daughters from going out with some people but do not hesitate to flirt with these suitors. Girls of narcissistic mothers know one thing perfectly well: they will never be there to protect or defend them.
Girls who are born to serve and obey the narcissistic mother
A narcissistic mother will demand the constant attention of her daughter. It will be obliged to satisfy its needs, to meet its expectations. She will not have to stand out so as not to overshadow her mother. For it,these mothers do not hesitate to manipulate their daughters, humiliate them and undermine their self-esteem.
How to cure the wound of a narcissistic mother?
Many girls of narcissistic mothers have to deal with trauma.It is a wound that arises from this undefined identity, combined with buried, denied and hidden emotions. We must face feelings of shame and free ourselves from the effects of codependency. As we can guess, it's not a simple thing.
Nevertheless, it is possible to survive there. Recovery is possible if we have the right help. Some therapists are specialized in this field and are ready to help us to go through each of our stages. The first is toreplace the internalized, negative and critical maternal voice with a new one: ours.A voice that must be treated with love, respect and a mentality of evolution.
A second crucial aspect is learning how to get rid of them, to set boundaries.We must learn to prioritize and place ourselves in the place we deserve. The one where we can have our own projects. Where we can be, act, live and breathe with total autonomy and freedom, without being under the yoke of a narcissistic identity.
It takes time. Moreover, in many cases one has to distance oneself from this narcissistic mother. We must accept that, for the first time, we will clearly do what made us so anxious: disappoint her.Going beyond this point means focusing on our mental health and quality of life.