The concept of self in the sexual domain is related to such questions as: "do you like your body?", "Do you consider yourself beautiful?", "Do you think you are a good lover?", " Do you have fun in your relationships? "… Based on the answers we give to these questions, it is likely that we have a concept of us more or less good. So,the image we all have of ourselves is decisive when establishing relationships with others,including, of course, during sex.
But … What is the concept of self? How is it related to sexuality? We will now try to answer these questions.
Concept of self and sexuality: what is it and how is it formed?
We can definethe concept of oneself as the opinion that a person has of itself.It encompasses all those ideas, assumptions and beliefs that we hold within ourselves. Therefore, we could define it as the way we perceive ourselves. It consists of three main features:
- He is innate: we are therefore created to acquire it as soon as we are born.We develop it little by little with the experience, the image we project in others and the details that other people give us of it.
- It is organized,so that we tend to ignore the stimuli that contradict our own concept of ourselves, just as we tend to perceive what adjusts to them.
- It remains dynamic because it changeswith new data, specific to the person or external judgments.
The importance of this concept lies in the fact that it pushes the person to act, to move forward and to pursue his goals.In relation to sexuality, which is the subject of interest in this article, it also plays a very important role. A self-confident person will project a concept of self in others, as well as one with a poor image of herself.
This concept of self at the sexual level begins to form with the first relationships we establish.The opinions or comments received from the sexual partner in relation to the body or the physical aspect will promote or hinder a good personal image. Once this concept of self begins to build, it will influence future sexual encounters.
The relationship between self-concept and sexuality begins with the establishment of our first relationships.Share
How does a low self-concept affect our sexual relations?
People who have a negative or poor self-concept usually find it difficult to be natural in front of others, even in front of their spouse. This causes them some anxiety and makes the need for privacy diminish or become non-existent.These people tend to think that their faults are visible and obvious to all.
This weak concept of self is not only related to the physical aspect: it also refers to a more psychological aspect or an aspect of the personality.For example, people who consider themselves boring in bed believe that their companions think the same thing and feel valued when they have sex. At the same time, it is not uncommon for them to feel anxious because of the pressure involved in having to improve this aspect.
In that case,in addition to not checking if what we think is really true, trying to show ourselves as perfect against others and pretending that everything is fine is a mistake.These people who hide their true "me", basically, not to be judged, suffer a lot. This prevents them from accepting themselves and establishing sincere relationships with significant people. And they miss it.
The most serious consequence and fear of this weak self-concept would be the breakup or separation of the couple.However, it has been observed that by speaking with the other person openly and / or by asking for help from a psychologist, no couple is forced to come to this point.
Acceptance as a key to improving the concept of self
Self concept and sexuality are therefore directly related. Once at this point, it is natural that we ask ourselves how we can improve this concept of self. How to take more pleasure during our sexual encounters? We have come to the conclusion that one of the most important points is acceptance of our body and our way of being. This is extremely linkedto the knowledge that we can have of our strengths and our weaknesses, which will allow us (or at least will help us) to benefit from sex as well as from other experiences of life.
Concept of self and sexuality are directly related. The more we accept and know each other, the more we will appreciate sex.Share
To accept oneself, one must be aware that there are things that can not change … Even if we would like.We can not become someone else, so we have to accept parts of ourselves, just as we must understand that each person is special and unique. Even US.
Accepting our stature or our skin color, among the features that characterize us and can hardly change, is fundamental.Once we accept that we can not control certain factors or that we can not influence others and start focusing our efforts on things that can be changed or that we do not like no, we will be ready to take full advantage of all life experiences, including sexual experiences.