It is not easy to speak or understand a teenager. Communication with teens can be complicated, especially for their parents who are facing a new situation, often much sooner than they imagined.
We, the parents, must understand that to communicate with our teenage children, it is fundamental to accept that the situation, the relationship is changing. Adolescence is a very important period of life and it is necessary to adapt to understand what's going on.
The parents' disappointment
It is normal for parents to feel a little disappointed when their children start to grow up, start wanting to lead an independent life, and organize their free time without taking into account anyone other than their friends.
Suddenly, we get the impression that an insurmountable wall rises and they stop discussing things that previously fascinated them.
On the other hand, teens start speaking their own language, dressing differently, listening to other types of music, and seeing other types of movies.
We parents realize that we can no longer plan things with them, and no matter what we think or want, our opinion no longer counts. All this obviously causes us disappointment. We have dedicated our lives to raising perfect children, in our own way, and now everything seems to go up in smoke.
Do not fall into the trap, and do not think we are a good for them. Our children love us, but like any teenager, our "little ones" also want to assert their independence and feel capable of conducting their own experiences alone.
How to contact and communicate with your teenage children
Many parents complain that they can not talk to their children because they do not tell them what they do on a daily basis. The problem is that most of the time we do not ask the right questions.
To successfully engage in conversation with an adult, a teen needs to be asked questions, to open and maintain interaction.
Ask open questions
Instead of asking closed questions that only allow you to answer yes or no, an effective way to promote discussion with a teen is to ask open questions.
That is, if we want to know if he has had a good day, instead of asking him: it was in college / high school? You have a lot of homework ? it will be necessary to ask him questions about what interests him, for example: What did you do in a physical education class?
Ask specific questions
Instead of asking general questions, it is much more effective to start a conversation with teens about people or events that are important to them, even if they are topics that we, parents, do not tell us about. or do not interest us.
Our children will realize that we are interested in their tastes, especially if we ask them questions that push them to express themselves.
To be sensitive and to know how to listen
It is useless to ask questions if we do not listen carefully to the response of our children, and if we think only of what we will say next or if we seek to use the answer made to get something, which interests us, we parents.
If we use the answers of our children to manipulate them or to take them back, we will only succeed in making them shut up even more. We will never get to know them, understand them, let alone help them when they need them.
Ask questions about their personal tastes
We must take every opportunity to ask our children questions about their personal tastes. For example, after seeing a movie about a different culture or place, we can ask them where they would like to travel or what they would like to discover, or we can enjoy a family event to ask them what their goals are. in life, but without trying to influence them, just to know them better.
We can also offer a family game or with friends, a person asks a funny question and everyone has to answer and so on. It's fun and it will allow both children to know their parents and parents to make themselves known.
We often complain that our children do not communicate with us, and that we do not know them, but we sometimes forget that they too may think the same about us. A change of attitude on our part can improve our relationship with them.